American Idol
Real Men Drink Pepsi (Please Buy A Chevy)

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Please Don't Talk About Love Tonight
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Oh, man. I meant to tell you this a couple of weeks ago, but The Princess Diaries II: A Royal Engagement is maybe the worst movie I've ever seen. EVER. I say this because they're replaying the Kelly SNL this weekend, and I know she's going to sing that song, and I think that song is lovely passable pop, and that, combined with the fact that The Princess Diaries is one of the coolest movies ever, lulled me into a false sense of safety that was rudely ripped away from me when I finally saw the sequel. Scared me so bad I can't see the Sandra Bullock sequel to which we lovingly and secretively refer as M.C. Deuce. Like, ever. On the other hand, The Amityville Horror is utterly frightening, and includes a disconcerting/distracting amount of half-naked Billy from Fifteen to really be what's properly called a "horror" movie, so it's unsettling on like every level, because of the complexity and contradictory input you get watching it. This whole mixed-up fight/flight/get phone number impulse, which pretty much covers the spectrum of that which we, as mammals, are capable, so it's overwhelming. Lauren Vaughn is, additionally, hot as hell, which is a total shocker, because I was pretty sure she needed to shut up.

Tuesday Afternoon Bonus Recap

Dr. Phil and his confusing son take on cyber-bullying, which is a new kind of bullying where you suck so bad that even if you don't leave the house, they still bully you by sending you mean emails, and this is the problem. Thanks, technology. The issue is not, apparently, that you let it get to you -- like a TWoP staffer would know anything about getting mean emails every day -- but that these people are sending you mean emails. That's it. I don't think this is a problem that can be so much solved, without letting Rumsfeld all up in my inbox, other than pointing out to the kids involved that it's dumb to care about some bullshit poorly-spelled illiterate email that arrives in dork-speak. (Ooh, ::ph34r::) Or a gaywad mean online journal that you go looking for so you can feel bad and victimized. Or, um, alternately, awesome about yourself, because those people are idiots. Because by the same token and to the same degree, all the spam emails that imply my genitalia are either wrongly-sized or inoperable are a hate crime. When in fact, they're just wrong: you're probably not completely sucky. Get a junk filter, because the problem isn't mean email, the problem is that you care, and that's something we can deal with.

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American Idol

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