American Idol

Ep.	Title	Air/Pub'l	Grade	Author
8-40 Weecap	Me You & The Flossy Flossy We Both Already Knew Finale: Results - One hour and fifty-five minutes of nothing but Ryan trying to make boring less so, followed by five minutes of WTF-O-OK.	2009.05.20 2009.05.21	A+	Jacob
8-39 Weecap	Whoa! Boundaries! Finale: Performances - The Idols keep it calm for their last outing, Simon Fuller sort of rules, and Ryan's frontal lobe disorder is finally diagnosed.	2009.05.19 2009.05.20	A+	Jacob
8-38 Weecap	I Know It's Everybody's Sin Top 3: Results - You absolutely will not believe what happened tonight. It all starts with this little Rwandan kid...	2009.05.13 2009.05.14	A+	Jacob
8-37 Weecap	Achtung, Maybe Top 3: Performances - Gokey plays to the cheap seats, Adam goes buckwild as usual, and Kris does something astonishing.	2009.05.12 2009.05.13	A+	Jacob
8-36 Weecap	Just A Girl Top 4: Results - No Doubt, DOUGHY and Paula Abdul sing, and the sausage party commences.	2009.05.06 2009.05.07	A+	Jacob
8-35 Weecap	Please Stop Believin' Top 4: Performances - Rock Night! Slash, Idol duets, and the most awesome outrage Danny Gokey has ever perpetrated.	2009.05.05 2009.05.06	A+	Jacob
8-34 Weecap	Chairmen Of The Bored Top 5: Results - One dumb food fight and six extraneous performances later, your Final Four take their bows.	2009.04.29 2009.04.30	A+	Jacob
8-33 Weecap	Some Came Running, Others Limped Top 5: Performances - Matt and Allison biff their gimme week, Rat Pack Night, but Danny justifies his presence, while Adam and Kris do their usual things.	2009.04.28 2009.04.29	A+	Jacob
8-32 Weecap	Disco Nap Top 7: Results - David Archuleta heads a collection of aging disco divas as troubling as they are irrelevant; two Idols go home. Not as exciting as it sounds.	2009.04.22 2009.04.23	A+	Jacob
8-29 Weecap	Manic! At The Disco Top 7: Performances - Weird clothes, another round of Top 7 performances, and two Idols in danger. Must be Disco Night!	2009.04.21 2009.04.22	A+	Jacob
8-30 Weecap	Then It's Just Wigs, All The Way Down Top 7: Results - Hannah Montana takes off her wig to reveal Miley Cyrus who takes off her wig to reveal cogs and wires and Cheetos. Then, the judges finally use their Power of Veto which, given how biffed last night was, is fairly polite.	2009.04.15 2009.04.16	A+	Jacob
8-29 Weecap	Bring Out The Gimps Top 7: Performances - You love movies, you love music, the Idols decide they hate both under Tarantino's tutelage.	2009.04.14 2009.04.15	A+	Jacob
8-28 Weecap	The Search Is Over... For You Top 8: Results - America, pat yourself on the back for no longer patting yourself on the back, and letting Scott go home.	2009.04.08 2009.04.09	A+	Jacob
8-27 Weecap	"Yeah, But I Make More Sense, Paula" Top 8: Performances - Songs from the Year you were Born, usually a trainwreck, starts with some throat-clearing but eventually evens out into a surprisingly tender onslaught of awesome.	2009.04.07 2009.04.08	A+	Jacob
8-26 Weecap	Try It With The Sound Off Next Time Top 9: Results - Megan's Bob Marley abomination fights her real talents, but they come out swinging 0 for two.	2009.04.01 2009.04.02	A+	Jacob
8-25 Weecap	"What Sucks The Most?" Top 9: Performances - Everything. Everything sucks in this episode. People dressed like clowns, clowns singing like they're people, Danny and Megan are still here... It's just a nightmare, a ninety-minute nightmare. What happened?	2009.03.31 2009.04.01	F	Jacob
8-24 Weecap	Two Inches Or A Yard Top 10: Results - Things get rough for our little roughneck, but the Judgery are both cruel and just, which is how they got the job.	2009.03.26 2009.03.27	A+	Jacob
8-23 Weecap	"We're Not Allowed To Show That!" Top 10: Performances - Motown, Smokey, and a new shocker from Adam Lambert.	2009.03.25 2009.03.26	A+	Jacob
8-22 Weecap	Please Don't Dump Me Just Because You Can Top 11: Results - The new Evil Power of Veto is just about the meanest thing that ever happened. So pass the popcorn.	2009.03.18 2009.03.19	A+	Jacob
8-21 Weecap	It Burns! Burns! Burns! Top 11: Performances - Country night can only mean two things: Megan and Mike do dumb stuff, and Adam gets ten times weirder even than usual.	2009.03.17 2009.03.18	A+	Jacob
8-20 Weecap	Turns Out I Can Say Goodbye, Actually Top 13: Results - Two down.	2009.03.11 2009.03.12	A+	Jacob
8-19 Weecap	"It's Fine Being Artistic, Just Not On This Show." Top 13: Performances - Michael Jackson Night! A truly shocking amount of enjoyable performances, and a tattooed girl does an offensive chicken dance.	2009.03.10 2009.03.11	A+	Jacob
8-18 Weecap	Life Without Randy Semifinals: Wild Card Special - The Top 12 are revealed... Or are they? Surprises abound in the fourth and final hour of this show for the week.	2009.03.05 2009.03.06	A+	Jacob
8-17 Weecap	This Show's Been Too Long For Too Long Results: Group C - The third trio of Top 12ers is revealed, as well as the pool of Wild Cards, who go from twenty to eight just in time for tonight's pointless extra hour.	2009.03.04 2009.03.05	A+	Jacob
8-16 Weecap	I Would Do Anything For Love Including That, To Be Honest Semifinals: Group C - The most annoying episode of this show, ever? Probably. The most entertaining as well? Oh, by far.	2009.03.03 2009.03.04	A+	Jacob
8-15 Weecap	"I'm Like A Big Destiny Person." Results: Group B - The male and female winners of the week are pretty obvious, as are the losers from this week's performances, and we say goodbye to multiple old friends, but the gender-neutral choice just might surprise you.	2009.02.26 2009.02.27	A+	Jacob
8-14 Weecap	"It's Steven Tyler meets Fall Out Boy meets Robert Pattinson!" Semifinals: Group B - The second herd of 12 competes for the next three spots, or something.	2009.02.25 2009.02.26	A+	Jacob
8-13 Weecap	How To Lose Friends & Alienate People Results: Group 1 - Danny, Alexis and Sarver make it through to the Top 12; one of them does his best to become the most hated contestant ever; Tatiana registers for a handgun.	2009.02.18 2009.02.19	A+	Jacob
8-12 Weecap	Every Little Thing She Does Is Tragic! Tragic! Tragic! Semifinals: Group 1 - Was it really the worst episode of this show... Ever?	2009.02.17 2009.02.18	A+	Jacob
8-11 Weecap	"Just Try, For Once, Not To Be Annoying." Hollywood: The Chair - If you have any faith at all in this show, you will more than likely be surprised by the Top 36. If you actually exist, however, trust us: this is going to be the awesomest season ever.	2009.02.11 2009.02.12	A+	Jacob
8-10 Weecap	"So That's A No?" Hollywood: The Sorting Hat - The Top 72 become the Top 54, wasting an hour of our time and a week of theirs.	2009.02.10 2009.02.11	A+	Jacob
8-9 Weecap	"I Saw An Evil! In Her Eyes!" Hollywood: Group Night! - From 107 down to 75, just in time for the Chair next week. Among the fallen: Emily the Strange, Shoeless Rose, Jailbait Austin and Bikini Kill. Surprising successes? Performin' Norman, Crybaby Headband, and Psychedelic Tatiana.	2009.02.04 2009.02.05	A+	Jacob
8-8 Weecap	"I Feel It On My Skin! It Bursts Out Of Me!" Hollywood: Pass The Mic - The millions become just around one hundred, eight people and two meltdowns at a time, over a two-day period.	2009.02.03 2009.02.04	A+	Jacob
8-7 Weecap	"It Hurts Where You Get Kicked Sometimes." Auditions: NYC/San Juan - An hour of American Idol comes and goes, and in it: things happen. That's pretty much all we know for sure.	2009.01.29 2009.01.30	A+	Jacob
8-6 Weecap	"Bunny! Hi, Bunny!" Auditions: Salt Lake City - Utah! Come for the giant teeth, stay for the singing! Leave as soon as you possibly can!	2009.01.28 2009.01.29	A+	Jacob
8-5 Weecap	"A Lot Of People Fear Physics." Auditions: Jacksonville - Who knew it could get more boring than San Francisco?	2009.01.27 2009.01.28	A+	Jacob
8-4 Weecap	"Was That A Threat?" "That Was A Threat." Auditions: Louisville - Skip the mint juleps and serve yourself some bourbon neat, because Kentucky is not going to be kind.	2009.01.21 2009.01.22	A+	Jacob
8-3 Weecap	"Paula Had A Very Hit Song... When I Was A Child." Auditions: San Francisco - Tilda Swinton beatboxes, Ellen Page builds this city, and several deeply uncomfortable spazzes give us the best they've got.	2009.01.21	A+	Jacob
8-2 Weecap	"These Are My Crazy Pills!" Auditions: Kansas City - Heartwarming and stomach-turning in equal amounts, Kansas City raises the annoying quotient while shoveling us yet more horrific backstories. On the menu tonight: Congenital heart conditions, dead wives, and tornadoes!	2009.01.14 2009.01.15	A+	Jacob
8-1 Weecap	"Next Time, Just Come Naked" Auditions: Phoenix - Somewhere between Ryan Seacrest and the cast of Friday Night Lights, a new name has inscribed itself on the All-Time Awesome Board Of Fame. That name is Kara DioGuardi, and this is the story of how she blew ya mind.	2009.01.13 2009.01.14	A+	Jacob
7-42 Weecap	The David We Deserve Season 7: Finale, Part II - In a good way, though! Well, depending on which pony you backed. Or else you're simply a disinterested observer, in which case... David Cook won, is what we're saying.	2008.05.21 2008.05.22	A-	Joe R
7-41 Weecap	In Which Simon Messes With Your Head Season 7: Finale, Part I - Two Davids, three songs, and a nation divided: which will have the honor of being crushed beneath the wheels of an antique and monstrous industry? America, you decide!	2008.05.20 2008.05.21	A	Jacob
7-40 Weecap	Local Radio Gods Season 7: Top 3 Results - The home visits are just as scintillating as ever, and the Top 3 elimination is even more predictable. Thank God we have Fantasia to freak out and scream at us in the most fantastic way possible.	2008.05.14 2008.05.15	B-	Joe R
7-39 Weecap	I Don't Want To Miss A Thing. Except Syesha. Season 7: Top 3 Perform - Three kids, nine songs, infinite chances for tragedy.	2008.05.13 2008.05.14	A	Jacob
7-38 Weecap	In The Jingle-Jangle Something We'll Come Following You Season 7: Top 4 Results - Jason's cast off to wander the Earth and sing for his supper while Syesha lives to be an inspiration for another week.	2008.05.07 2008.05.08	B-	Joe R
7-37 Weecap	Tender Is The Night Season 7: Top 4 Performances - David Archuleta doesn't want us to forget that he is made of plush, David Cook doesn't want us to forget Duran Duran, Syesha doesn't want us to forget the terrible hardships she hasn't suffered, and Jason doesn't want to remember anything anymore.	2008.05.06 2008.05.07	B-	Joe R
7-36 Weecap	She Was, She Went Season 7: Top 5 Results - Brooke finally goes home to a week-long nap, a loving family, and the knowledge that she's good at music, if not this show.	2008.04.30 2008.05.01	C	Jacob
7-35 Weecap	Good Times Never Seemed So Sad Season 7: Top 5 Performances - Archuleta shoots for the LCD, Brooke finally steps it up, and David Cook continues to beguile America.	2008.04.29 2008.04.30	C	Jacob
7-34 Weecap	She'll Play The Wild Rover No Never, No More Season 7: Top 6 Results - See, because Carly's Irish! And she's going home! Yes, Carly takes her best performance of the season into the sunset with her as we celebrate Broadway in all its Idol-supporting glory, and all the contestants are the exact same kind of over this show.	2008.04.23 2008.04.24	B-	Joe R
7-33 Weecap	The Muuuuuusic Of Your Nightmares Season 7: Top 6 Performances - Syesha, Carly, and Cook rock Broadway, while Brooke edges closer and closer to her breakdown.	2008.04.22 2008.04.23	A-	Jacob
7-32 Weecap	Season 7: Top 7 Results Season 7: Top 7 Results - Brooke is safe and KLC's out? For real?	2008.04.16 2008.04.17	A	Jacob
7-31 Weecap	Season 7: Top 7 Performances Season 7: Top 7 Performances - American Idol and Mariah go together like babies and pacifiers. Or so we've heard.	2008.04.15 2008.04.16	B	Joe R
7-30 Weecap	Season 7 Idol Gives Back: Results Season 7 Idol Gives Back: Results - Sometimes they say "shocking" and it's not shocking, and then sometimes they say "shocking" and it's like three times moreso than you think it'll be. This is one of those times.	2008.04.10 2008.04.11	B-	Jacob
7-29 Weecap	Season 7: Idol Gives Back Season 7: Idol Gives Back - That's how long this year's "Idol Gives Back" show took to tell us that Chris Daughtry and Miley Cyrus truly care.	2008.04.09 2008.04.10	C	Joe R
7-28 Weecap	Season 7: Top Eight Performances Season 7: Top Eight Performances - It's Opposites Day here at Idol: Both Davids forget how to sing, Brooke finally remembers where she is, and the Colonel blows everybody else away.	2008.04.08 2008.04.09	D	Jacob
7-27 Weecap	Why'd You Come In Here Looking Like That? Season 7: Top Nine Results - Carly, Michael, and Cook refuse to explain themselves, but the night belongs to Ramiele. Finally.	2008.04.01 2008.04.03	D	Jacob
7-26 Recap	Season 7: Top 9 Performances Season 7: Top 9 Performances - Simon proves as prickly as he ever is when faced with a night full of country music, even when that music was written by the incomparable Dolly Parton.	2008.03.31 2008.04.02	B-	Joe R
7-25 Recap	Season 7: Top 10 Results Season 7: Top 10 Results - Chikezie pays the ultimate price for boring us, then making us care, then boring us again.	2008.03.26 2008.03.27	C	Joe R
7-24 Weecap	The Year You Were Awful Season Seven: Top 10 Performances - {Weecap} Sometimes everybody is terrible at the same time and you feel really bad about watching this show. And then comes an episode like this, and you wonder how it's possible to feel even worse.	2008.03.25 2008.03.26	D	Jacob
7-23 Recap	Season 7: Top 11 Results Season 7: Top 11 Results - Much like Janis, Amanda is gone too soon. Unlike Janis, it's only "too soon" by a week or two.	2008.03.19 2008.03.20	C-	Joe R
7-22 Weecap	Another Day In The Life Season 7: Top 11 Performances - Beatles Week II turns out to be a huge mistake. Like we all said.	2008.03.18 2008.03.19	C	Joe R
7-21 Weecap	He'll Never Dance With Another Season 7: Top 12 Results - Uh..."WHOOO"? The show continues its systematic elimination of anyone who's ever set foot in a gay bar as David Hernandez gets the boot. Next on the list: that hag Ramiele.	2008.03.12 2008.03.13	C+	Joe R
7-20 Weecap	Sometimes We Cannot Work It Out Season 7: Top 12 - Kristy Lee goes so far into Bad that she ends up at Awesome; David A. shows his tiny little feet of clay; and Jason, Brooke, and Chikezie remind us why we watch this show.	2008.03.11 2008.03.12	B	Jacob
7-19 Weecap	Sorry, I Don't Pray That Way Season 7: Top 16 Results - Danny pays the price for the zeitgeist; while Kady and Asia'h and Luke all go home, obviously.	2008.03.06 2008.03.07	F	Jacob
7-18 Weecap	The Joy Of Rediscovering You Season 7: Top 16 Girls - The final 8 girls pick better '80s songs than the boys did but don't all perform them as well. Kady and Kristy Lee continue to struggle to make an impression. The judges struggle to keep their hands to themselves.	2008.03.05 2008.03.06	B-	Joe R
7-17 Weecap	Vote For Luke! Before He Go-Go! Season 7: Top 16 Boys - ...Sadly, Luke ensures that he will go-go, while everybody else softly and reverently beholds the power of cheese.	2008.03.04 2008.03.05	A	Jacob
7-16 Weecap	The Yard Of Blonde Girls Season 7: Top 20 Results - The Top Sixteen are revealed: goodbye streaked Jason Y., bewigged Robbie, random blonde girl Alaina, and A-Lush.	2008.02.28 2008.02.29	C	Jacob
7-15 Weecap	I Bet You Think This Song Choice Is About You Season 7: Top 20 Girls - Song selection damns at least 80% of the final ten women as Carly gets back on track, almost everyone else stumbles, and Amanda scares the hell out of small children.	2008.02.27 2008.02.28	B	Joe R
7-14 Weecap	Without Hype, Where Would You Be Right Now? Season 7: Top 10 Boys Perform - The Boys take on the '70s, Simon's fashion sense, and the strange world of words and their meanings. Paula is intrigued.	2008.02.26 2008.02.26	B	Jacob
7-13 Weecap	Last Hired, First Fired Season 7: Top 24 Results - Maybe there's something to that "last person in the Top 24" thing after all, as Colton and Joanne fall, along with the one crappy girl and the boy with the hair.	2008.02.21 2008.02.22	A-	Joe R
7-12 Weecap	Come On, Baby, And Rescue Me...Or Whatever Girls: Top 24 - Take twelve girls with Ebola, completely sap them of even the basic desire for survival, mix in a few nasty British comments...and stir. If any of these girls live, they might become superstars.	2008.02.20 2008.02.21	C	Jacob
7-11 Weecap	Hey Simon, Welcome To The '60s Guys: Top 24 - The stupid decision to place theme restrictions on the semifinal rounds means a whole lot of young kids getting criticized for sounding old-fashioned and not a lot of finding out what these guys are really like. Some pretty good singing, though.	2008.02.19 2008.02.20	A-	Joe R
7-10 Weecap	Chair Dance The Chair - One last hurdle before we can get this competition going for real. Simon displays a heretofore unseen dork solidarity, Paula makes hash of what we know as "suspense," and most of the people you've seen before make it through.	2008.02.13 2008.02.14	B	Joe R
7-9 Weecap	Two! "Full"! Hours! Hollywood Season Seven - They broke Hollywood! The Top 164 becomes the Top 50, and it takes two hours, but if you think that means we get to see much of anything, you'd be wrong.	2008.02.12 2008.02.12	A	Jacob
7-8 Weecap	Have Circumnavigated Globe. Am Still Unable To Locate My Baby. Auditions: The Best Of The Rest - Dingoes did not eat the most promising singers! They were just hidden, here in the last audition episode. Whew!	2008.02.06 2008.02.07	C	Jacob
7-7 Weecap	Flyin' First Class Auditions: Atlanta - Living in your car may be G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, but Harley-riding nurses are truly flossy-flossy.	2008.02.05 2008.02.06	B	Joe R
7-6 Weecap	Miami, Miami, You've Got...Nothing Auditions: Miami - This is getting ridiculous. Crappy singers get through, while good singers...did something else that day.	2008.01.30 2008.01.30	C-	Joe R
7-5 Weecap	Don't Quit Your Day Job(s), Seacrest Auditions: Omaha - Handstands, lady wrestlers, and the least inspiring crew of creeps, losers and weirdos possibly ever spotted in one place. Omaha, on behalf of Idol we apologize.	2008.01.29 2008.01.30	B	Jacob
7-4 Weecap	True Love Waits, Seacrest Auditions: Charleston - A new baby, some rude youngsters, and a little lesson in chastity -- why, what were you expecting?	2008.01.23 2008.01.24	C	Jacob
7-3 Weecap	Un-American Idol Auditions: San Diego - The two best auditions in San Diego come from an Australian surfer and a tattooed Irish lass, while everyone else is either boringly decent or boringly bad. Simon manages to make a lap dance look wholesome, though.	2008.01.22 2008.01.23	C	Joe R
7-2 Weecap	Dateline Is Watching, Seacrest Auditions: Dallas - It's just like in Philly, but in Dallas instead. Have you ever heard of Kelly Clarkson? Does the name bother you yet? Because it's about to.	2008.01.16 2008.01.17	B	Jacob
7-1 Weecap	Yes! You're Going To Hollywood! Whatever! Auditions: Philadelphia - Seventh verse, same as the first. Idol kicks off in Philadelphia with slightly more good auditions than in the past, but also way more Star Wars geeks than is advisable.	2008.01.15 2008.01.16	B-	Joe R
6-40 Recap	The Young Americans Grand Finale - Two hours, the nearly complete absence of the Final Two, a bunch of hoo-hah, and a fair bit of awesome. Next year's a long way away.	2007.05.23 2007.05.24	A+	Jacob
6-39 Recap	Arrival Of A Train At A Station Performance: Top 2 - Jordin and Blake do their thing, the judges do an unrelated thing, Ryan knows more than he's saying, and a bunch of famous people get snapped in the audience in unflattering poses. Lots of noise, not a lot of enjoyment: must be finale time.	2007.05.22 2007.05.23	C	Jacob
6-38 Recap	Didn't We Almost Have It All? Top 3: Results - So close! The best singer this show's seen since Kelly Clarkson almost went the distance. Doolittle leaves with all the class you'd expect, and we all hope she'll avoid whatever happened to poor Elliott.	2007.05.16 2007.05.20	B	Joe R
6-37 Recap	Television City City Limits Top 3: Performances - Melinda takes on Tina, Blake takes on Sting, Jordin takes on Simon, and America takes in the best Top 3 ever.	2007.05.15 2007.05.19	A-	Joe R
6-36 Recap	On That Midnight Train To Michigan Top 4: Results - LaKisha finally falls to the Melinda/Blake/Jordin troika, steps in it a few times, but abruptly turns the episode awesome right at the end.	2007.05.09 2007.05.13	A+	Jacob
6-35 Recap	We Learn To Respect The Power Of Pandering Top 4: Performances - Disco night comes rolling inexorably upon us, leaving LaKisha in a mess of her own making and turning Blake into some kind of dang superhero.	2007.05.08 2007.05.13	A+	Jacob
6-34 Recap	Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow Top 6, Part II: Results - It's a tough night for the Idol hopefuls, as their happy little family of six gets brutally pared down to four. Bon Jovi performs, and JBJ is still awesome, but we lose Phil, which is sad. But that's nothing compared to the tears shed when Blake has to say goodbye to Chris.	2007.05.02 2007.05.06	B+	Couch Baron
6-33 Recap	HAVE A NICE DAY! Top 6, Part II: Performances - So says Melinda as she rocks out. LaKisha returns to form, Blake is awesome, as is Phil; Chris is good, and Jordin gives us our quota of big hair and big suck.	2007.04.31 2007.05.05	A	Couch Baron
6-32 Recap	Idol Gives Something Idol Gives Back - No eliminations, no logic, no stopping, no quarter. Idol Gives till it hurts, and then gives some more.	2007.04.25 2007.04.30	A	Jacob
6-31 Recap	Caring Is Creepy Top 6: Performances - Idol Gives Back in mysterious ways, to mysterious organizations, and everybody cries for a bit.	2007.04.24 2007.04.30	B	Jacob
6-30 Recap	So...Now What? Top 7: Results - Sanjaya Malakar is finally gone. What will we talk about on Wednesdays?	2007.04.18 2007.04.23	A-	Joe R
6-29 Recap	Country Is A Type Of Singing Top 7: Performances - Just don't try telling Simon that. Chris snots off to the judges, with mitigating circumstances, while Melinda and Jordin soar, and Phil maybe saves himself.	2007.04.17 2007.04.22	B	Joe R
6-28 Recap	Te Quiero, Mi Amor! Top 8: Results - It's probably weird that a group sing of "Bailamos" and a J. Lo live performance are two of the better performances of the week, right? Regardless, here we are. Haley goes home, and America is once again safe from the tyranny of the exposed thigh.	2007.04.11 2007.04.16	A-	Joe R
6-27 Recap	Turn It Up, Turn It Up, Turn It Upside Down! Top 8: Performances - It's Latin night, and Melinda and LaKisha are underwhelming, but Sanjaya's effing great! What's going on with this show?	2007.04.10 2007.04.14	C-	Joe R
6-26 Recap	Top 9: Results Top 9: Results - Gina gets a case of the Haley Syndrome and they carry her out after a truly classy goodbye.	2007.04.04 2007.04.08	B	Jacob
6-25 Recap	Top 9: Performances Top 9: Performances - Tony Bennett swings by for a ring-a-ding time of boring the hell out of everybody.	2007.04.03 2007.04.08	N/A	Jacob
6-24 Recap	Top 10: Results Top 10: Results - Chris Sligh goes home, and nobody even remembers to pretend to cry except for Ryan Seacrest, who fiercely loves fat kids and always will.	2007.03.28 2007.04.01	A+	Jacob
6-23 Recap	Top 10: Performances Top 10: Performances - Blake is great! Jordin is great! LaKisha does disco! Sanjaya is B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Gwen Stefani! Some other people also!	2007.03.27 2007.04.01	A	Jacob
6-22 Recap	To Steph, With Insufficient Love Top 11: Results - Lulu shows up Peter Noone once again, and Stephanie Edwards gets hustled out the door in the last two minutes.	2007.03.21 2007.03.27	B-	Joe R
6-21 Recap	Where's Olive? Top 11: Performances - She's freaking the hell out at the Idol taping, that's where. It's British Invasion week: Sanjaya makes the girls (or girl) cry, Jordin makes her presence felt, and Lulu proves to be a thousand percent cooler than Peter Noone.	2007.03.20 2007.03.26	A	Joe R
6-20 Recap	T > D > Y When y = t; x = â™¥ Top 12: The Results - Brandon goes home, flanked by the just-surviving Sanjaya and Phil. Well, Ailing Phil's the one that's "just surviving"; Sanjaya is doing something much more terrible. To all of us.	2007.03.14 2007.03.19	A	Jacob
6-19 Recap	Ryan Wants Muscles! Performance: Top 12 - Simon and Ryan's awkward courtship continues as they admit their love of dressing up like Diana Ross. Also creepily dressed up like Diana Ross: Diana Ross.	2007.03.13 2007.03.19	A	Jacob
6-18 Recap	King Jeremy The Wicked Sent You Home Top 16: The Results - The remorseless reign of Sanjaya's terror claims another victim, as...oh wait. Sundance totally sucked ass. Never mind! On the other hand, we'll miss Sabrina terribly, Jared intermittently, and Antonella not at all.	2007.03.08 2007.03.13	A-	Joe R
6-17 Recap	Take Your Records Off Top 16: The Girls - Antonella sucks harder than ever, while Melinda adds some strut to her game. In between, everyone else does what they're supposed to do, and Randy introduces us to the "Yo" factor.	2007.03.07 2007.03.12	B+	Joe R
6-16 Recap	The Prime Of Miss Paula Abdul Top 16: The Boys - Hold on to your asses, folks, but Paula's the most accurate and insightful judge. And for once, that's not an elaborate slam on the other two. The top 8 boys are kind of crappy...again.	2007.03.06 2007.03.10	B-	Joe R
6-15 Recap	America Don't Care For Jazz Top 20: The Results - Nick, AJ, Leslie, and the mysteriously alluring Alaina are sent home. One more week 'til the finals!	2007.02.29 2007.03.05	N/A	Jacob
6-14 Recap	We Never Really Cared Until We Met You Top 20: The Girls - Melinda's awesome, LaKisha and Stephanie are fine, Jordin and Sabrina were better last week, Gina gets background help, Haley has lost her way, and Antonella has at least been on TV before, which is more than we can say for Leslie and Alaina.	2007.02.28 2007.03.04	B+	Joe R
6-13 Recap	Please Attempt To Scintillate Top 20: The Guys - Easy choices, mawkish dedications, low-level performances, and Sundance's return to boring form all contribute to making things as accessible and uninteresting as this show could ever have hoped.	2007.02.27 2007.03.04	C	Jacob
6-12 Recap	Goodbye, Lipless and Shiny-Face Top 24: The Results - Rudy, Nicole, Amy, and Paul are eliminated. Fantasia performs. Sligh apologizes. Sanjaya cries.	2007.02.22 2007.02.26	B	Joe R
6-11 Recap	A Lousy Candle's All I Found Top 24: Girls - Two hours, twelve songs, fifteen breakups between Simon and Ryan, and more disappointment than you can shake a stick at. At least they're better than the guys this week.	2007.02.21 2007.02.26	A	Jacob
6-10 Recap	The Great Seacrest Snit Fit Of '07 Top 24: The Guys - Which is exactly like the Great Seacrest Snit Fits of '06, '05, and '04, except that this one resulted in a Teletubbies reference. Some of the guys are good, most of the guys are either bad or boring, and we learn that it's so not fun when Simon feels uncomfortable.	2007.02.20 2007.02.24	B-	Joe R
6-9 Recap	The Blake Lewis Show, Guest-Starring: Everybody Results: Top 24 - The Chair takes us down from 40 to 24, while the Camera cuts to Blake and Chris Sligh approximately every ten seconds. It's like they're trying to sell you something.	2007.02.14 2007.02.18	A	Jacob
6-8 Recap	But Isn't She Pretty In Pink? Hollywood - Up too late? Check. Flirting and not practicing? Check. Hypocrisy, taking the Lord's name in vain, and acting like a total whore? World of check. Man, I love Hollywood week.	2007.02.13 2007.02.18	A	Jacob
6-7 Recap	Leftover Pie Auditions: Best Of The Rest - See what got missed while the show was busy focusing on the kids who stepped off the short bus.	2007.02.07 2007.02.11	B+	Joe R
6-6 Recap	Forget The Alamo Auditions: San Antonio - Scary, maladjusted loners and a whole lot of camel toe try to ruin the San Antonio auditions, but an "Other Door" montage and big, awesome William make up for it.	2007.02.06 2007.02.10	B+	Joe R
6-5 Recap	Programmed To Receive Auditions: Los Angeles - "Hi! I'm young and talented and have no self-preservation instinct!" Awesome, we'll eat you later. Now, who's your friend with the developmental disability? Can we get a shot of her, Bob?	2007.01.31 2007.02.04	B	Jacob
6-4 Recap	Watergate Still Kind Of Bothers Me Auditions: Birmingham - The show goes back to the Fertile Crescent of Idols past, Birmingham AL, to see if lightning will strike a fourth time. It doesn't, or maybe it does and we can't tell, because we're too busy being asked to laugh at the less fortunate.	2007.01.30 2007.02.04	B	Jacob
6-3 Recap	Don't Cry Out Loud Auditions: Memphis And New York - Memphis and New York cobble up a handful of actual contenders, while the delusional rejects reach new lows. Simon gets a premonition about Sarah Goldberg and shows up late so he doesn't have to see her at all.	2007.01.23 2007.01.27	B	Joe R
6-4 Recaplet	Auditions: New York Auditions: New York - A thumbnail sketch of the episode to hold you until the recap goes live.	2007.01.24 2007.01.24	N/A	Joe R
6-2 Recap	Take Seattle To The Zoo Auditions: Seattle - Rainy Seattle expresses its collective affective disorder.	2007.01.17 2007.01.22	C	Jacob
6-1 Recap	Act Your Age, Not Your...On Second Thought, Don't Act Your Age Auditions: Minneapolis - Sixteen-year-olds are much better when they're inspirational former crack babies rather than emotionally immature crybabies. Season 6 kicks off in Minneapolis, where no one is quite destined for greatness, but 90% of the psychos are fairly likeable, so it evens out.	2007.01.16 2007.01.20	B	Joe R
5-24 Recap	The Princess & The Basket Case The Idol We Deserve, Part II - The Criminal Brittenum Twins, Ayla the Jock, and Nadia Turner the Brain all steer clear as yet another pointless winner is crowned after two hours of truly frightening behavior by celebrities, personalities, and the Idols in between.	2006.05.24 2006.05.29	B+	Jacob
5-23 Recap	Hate Accompli Hate Accompli - Taylor's winning this mother, but first we have to go through the motions of the final performance episode. Kat sings of destiny (entitled bitch), while Taylor asks nicely for our approval. That's the kind of Idol everyone can enjoy!	2006.05.23 2006.05.28	C+	Joe R
5-22 Recap	The Man Who Cried Top Three -- It's a Cliiiive! - Weeping and jittery Elliott Yamin came into our living rooms, and weeping and jittery he makes his exit. Three songs apiece add up to a razor-thin vote margin. Meanwhile, the visits home reveal that every day is Idol Name Here Day.	2006.05.16 2006.05.20	B-	Joe R
5-21 Recap	Black Velvet Inability To Smile Top 4 -- The King Is Gone (So Are You) - Actual shocking eliminations are rare with this show, but this week's a freakout! Chris goes home after Katharine's worst night by far, even though he's been touted as the Chosen One ever since we lost whomever the last supposed Chosen One was.	2006.05.09 2006.05.14	A	Jacob
5-20 Recap	Something In The Way This Is Stupid Top 5 -- Something In The Way This Is Stupid - Paris goes home after a double-theme night in which most people try to sing songs from the year of their birth, and some people want to sing songs from the charts, but some people don't, and much explanations are made.	2006.05.02 2006.05.07	A	Jacob
5-19 Recap	"What's a 'Swan Song'?" "What's A 'Swan Song'?" - Classic love songs aren't afraid to bring the boring, the judges issue a retraction once they realize America hates them, and Kellie is sent away to eat calamari among the barefoot Appalachians of TV stereotype.	2006.04.25 2006.04.30	C+	Joe R
5-18 Recap	When You Say "That's All" -- Can I Get That In Writing? When You Say "That's All" -- Can I Get That In Writing? - Rod Stewart drops by for the attack of the Great American Songbook, leaving only Bambi-eyed roadkill in its wake.	2006.04.18 2006.04.20	A+	Jacob
5-17 Recap	Garble, Garble, Hey! Top 8: Another One Bites The Dust - If it's any consolation to Bucky, I'm sure he'd have been voted off even if we could understand what he was saying. Come for the Queen, stay for the amped-up stage drama of Paris, Kat, and Kellie.	2006.04.11 2006.04.16	B+	Joe R
5-16 Recap	Top 9: You Botoxed Kenny! You Bastards! Top 9: You Botoxed Kenny! You Bastards! - After a world of suck, Mandisa goes down.	2006.04.04 2006.04.09	C+	Jacob
5-15 Recap	Tuck Nipped Top 10: Not A Great Song Choice, Dude - Not even Kelly Clarkson herself can save Lisa from her inevitable elimination. The rest of the top ten certainly do their best to give her a sporting chance, though. Your addiction, lifestyle, or situation may be big, but read the recap anyway.	2006.03.28 2006.04.02	C-	Joe R
5-14 Recap	Too Chicken Little, Too Chicken Late Top 11: Looks Like He Didn't Make It - Barry Manilow knows what ails the final eleven and how to fix it. Unfixable? Chris's Creed addiction, Taylor's personality, Kellie's rouge attack, and Kevin's cosmic displacement.	2006.03.21 2006.03.25	B+	Joe R
5-13 Recap	Bull On Parade Top 12: And Stevie Wonders, "Why?" - The Top 12 starts with less of a bang and more of a whimper as the kids bore their way through some classic Stevie Wonder tunes. Katharine, Bucky, Mandisa, and Chris are great, of course, and then Melissa finally goes home. "Who?" I know, right?	2006.03.14 2006.03.19	C	Jacob
5-12 Recap	Don't Raise Your Eye They're All Wasted! - It's teenage wasteland as Ayla, Will, and Gedeon (along with den mother Kinnik) fall by the wayside, leaving us with our final twelve. Bucky's a twin, Kellie's a mink, and Bo Bice is a pretty, pretty lady.	2006.03.07 2006.03.12	B-	Joe R
5-11 Recap	...Love, Rupert Murdoch, Part III ...Love, Rupert Murdoch, Part III - David the fake Dino, Sway the tiny throat-singing Wonderkiller, Brenna the fake diva, and Heather the Hooter's girl all go home. Still around? Kevin Covais, Taylor Hicks, and Paula Abdul's complete lack of a drinking or drug problem.	2006.03.02 2006.03.07	A+	Jacob
5-10 Recap	...Love, Rupert Murdoch, Part II ...Love, Rupert Murdoch, Part II - Ace flirts with Paula, Will flirts with hilarity, Chris flirts with awesomeness, and David flirts with the cold embrace of the crypt. Ryan flirts with danger, not once, not twice, but thrice.	2006.02.29 2006.03.05	B+	Joe R
5-9 Recap	...Love, Rupert Murdoch, Part I ...Love, Rupert Murdoch, Part I - Kellie, Ayla, and Mandisa perform. And apparently some other people too, but we don't actually remember that much. It was very long, and Paula got upset, and it was kind of a blur. Dogjaw!	2006.02.28 2006.03.04	B-	Jacob
5-8 Recap	Suck It, Sasha Cohen! Part III Semifinals, Week 1: The Results - Twenty-four get reduced to twenty, with boredom, poor decision-making, badly overmatched talent, and Maxim being to blame.	2006.02.23 2006.02.27	C	Joe R
5-7 Recap	Suck It, Sasha Cohen! Part II Semifinals, Week 1: The Boys - A squealing pimp, three tiny children, two maniacal social burdens, a homeless burnout, a pedophile, a muffler technologist, a carnie, a diabetic, and somebody so boring we forgot him, all perform. Only ten will make it through, but the real story is the intense flare-ups of the ongoing Simon/Ryan horror-romance.	2006.02.22 2006.02.26	B	Jacob
5-6 Recap	Suck It, Sasha Cohen! Part I Semifinals, Week 1: The Girls - The top twelve women sing songs of their own choosing. Clearly, choosing is not for everyone, Heather and Brenna.	2006.02.21 2006.02.25	B	Joe R
5-5 Recap	Hollydidn't Hollydidn't, Paulashouldn't - The Top 99 become the Top 44, and finally we meet the Top 24, heading into semifinals next week.	2006.02.14 2006.02.19	C+	Jacob
5-4 Recap	Hollywouldn't Hollywouldn't - The split-second nature of the Hollywood performances leaves plenty of room for sightseeing excursions. Not so starved for screen time in Boston include a Cher impersonator and a Clay impersonator. Yay?	2006.02.07 2006.02.10	C+	Joe R
5-3 Recap	Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part III Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part III - Las Vegas and fake Austin bring us the penultimate and antepenultimate audition rounds, which prove to be at least twice as boring as what's come before. At least it's nearly over.	2006.01.31 2006.02.05	N/A	Jacob
5-2 Recap	Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part II Bo Bice is the New Clay Aiken, Part II - Greensboro and San Francisco offer the usual mix of the pretty talented and the deeply delusional. The judges squabble, with varying degrees of authenticity. And Simon walks out. Gasp!	2006.01.24 2006.01.28	B	Joe R
5-1 Recap	Bo Bice Is The New Clay Aiken, Part I Bo Bice Is The New Clay Aiken, Part I - Rockers abound as auditions in Chicago and Denver yield several really troubling individuals, as per usual, and only slight glimpses of the first-round winners. As per usual. Don't cry out loud.	2006.01.17 2006.01.21	B+	Jacob
4-20 Recap	God Bless the Broken Show That Brought Her Here To Us Skeptacular! Skeptacular! Part II - After an amount of padding rivaling that used for postal delivery of medical samples, every second of which we expected but did not fully comprehend, we finally come limping to the conclusion of AI's fourth season. It's Bo Bice against Carrie Underwood, and only Simon knows who will take it. Well, Simon and everyone else on earth except the show's recapper, apparently. Congratulations to Carrie Underwood: one day she'll be a real girl.	2005.05.25 2005.05.31	B	Jacob
4-19 Recap	Some People Wait A Lifetime For Something To Happen Skeptacular! Skeptacular! Part I - Carrie and Bo each sing the Coronation Single, "Inside You're Just Begging For A Dirty Joke Title"; their B-sides, which have also been written for the show; and their favorite songs from the season. Not ours, I stress, but theirs. With Bo, that leads us to "Vehicle," which is great, but of course Carrie can't resist that Martina McBride song she loves so much, and thus sings three boring songs relatively well, assuring her a victory. Oh, and they both have Ebola or something.	2005.05.24 2005.05.29	B-	Jacob
4-18 Recap	Goodbye Baby V The Girl Who Was Good At Singing Disco Songs - All previous futile attempts at thematic consistency aside, this week we get a grab bag of hell, a new kind of road trip that starts in Air Supply, OK, winds through the Badlands and Roy Orbisonia, takes a quick run through the era of Disco, and finally ends at the center of the universe of cred. Then Vonzell goes home, and everybody passes out from shock.	2005.05.18 2005.05.22	B	Jacob
4-17 Recap	For The Love Of Money (And Vonzell's Daddy) Hope You Find A Lot Of Nice Things To Wear - A musical "road trip" from Nashville to Philadelphia inspires A-Fed's elimination, Vonzell's total onstage breakdown and subsequent rally and conquest, Carrie's best week yet artistically but worst week yet critically, and in-depth soul-searching about the two sides of Bo's whole deal.	2005.05.11 2005.05.15	B-	Jacob
4-16 Recap	Don't Talk Back The Glitter Rubs Right Off - Our Top Five two songs, one old and one new, none interesting, and Scott is dangerously confused about his place in all this, and goes home. Meanwhile, somebody slept with Corey Clark, which is horrible enough, but you'll never guess who it was. Unless you don't live under a rock, and then probably you already know. It's dumb, and John Quinones goes to the special Geraldo Hell for sure now.	2005.05.04 2005.05.08	A+	Jacob
4-15 Recap	Rock & Roll Suicide I've Lost My Home To Thieves - Constantine takes a header in a most spectacular way, Bo continues to sell himself hardcore short, Scott is horrible some more, and Carrie, Vonzell, and Anthony are very nice people. Bonus: Simon loves people, and Paula hates fun.	2005.04.27 2005.05.01	B-	Jacob
4-14 Recap	Please Don't Talk About Love Tonight Real Men Drink Pepsi (Please Buy A Chevy) - Constantine aberrates, Scott aggravates, Carrie Simon-baits, and A-Fed -- regrettably -- undulates. Clay Aiken commiserates, and Paula undermedicates, feelings of warmth toward Vonzell aggregate, Anwar finally vacates, and Bo outrageously capitulates.	2005.04.20 2005.04.23	B-	Jacob
4-13 Recap	Why Didn't You Say You Loved Her? I Don't Understand Why Didn't You Say You Loved Her? I Don't Understand - Nadia Turner, the John Kerry of American Idol, is finally forced to confront her ivory tower obscurantist attempts to be interesting and special, and loses out to, like, a Hall & Oates tune and "Let's Hear It For The Boy."	2005.04.13 2005.04.16	N/A	Jacob
4-12 Recap	I Could Have Danced All Night, But I Was Bored I Cannot Do The Smurf - A-Fed, Scott, and Bo are terrible, Constantine is pretty great if you're not in the same room as the television screen, Nadia and Vonzell work their inner Tina Turners, Carrie smiles and is lifelike, and some other people sing. Fantasia Barrino comes to freak you right out, and poor wonderful Nikko is sent packing.	2005.04.06 2005.04.09	F	Jacob
4-11 Recap	One Flea Spare And Do I Really Have A Hand In My Forgetting? - Indexed by scandal: Anwar's personals ad, Scott's rap sheet. Indexed by outrage: Worst elimination yet. Indexed by fashion score: maybe the most successful week yet, not that that helps. Say goodbye to Jessica and her fangs and dinners, and consider what was lost.	2005.03.30 2005.04.02	C	Jacob
4-10 Recap	Baby, You're Much Too Fast She Had Style! She Had Flair! She Got Tossed! - Mikalah gets tossed almost as ceremoniously as Simon begs us to forget bloody Mario ever existed. Anthony and Nadia wind up on the bottom of the pile with her, and Jessica is just a pile of nerves and awesome.	2005.03.24 2005.03.26	C+	Jacob
4-9 Recap	Ziggy Played Guitar Ziggy Played Guitar - I know, I know. But the amounts of hubris displayed in this episode call to mind nothing so much as the Spiders From Mars: Mikalah, Simon and Ryan all get freaky high on their own awesomeness, and then mutually destroy each other as the rest of us watch, savoring the tasty, just desserts.	2005.03.15 2005.03.19	B	Jacob
4-8 Recap	Flip A Coin For "Song Choice" Sits Like A Man, But He Smiles Like A Reptile - It may or may not matter, as we head into the Top 12, having shed Travis, Janay, Amanda, and poor Nikko like so much husked Constantine denim. Also: We move from six episodes a night back to the normal schedule of eight times a week.	2005.03.09 2005.03.12	B-	Jacob
4-7 Recap	Eight Down, Four to Go Compared To What? - Say "aloha" to Aloha and tell Joe you'll see him around, give Celena Rae a couple bucks for the bus, and bake something in a covered casserole dish for David Brown. They're done here. Janay? Oh, she's fine. Amanda and Mikalah? Right where they should be. Plus, maybe a little bonus recap of Constantine's Elimidate. Yeah. Not kidding.	2005.03.02 2005.03.05	B-	Jacob
4-6 Recap	"I Woke Up And One Of Us Was Crying" "I Woke Up And One Of Us Was Crying" - After three hours of programming, and the first voteable performances of all Top 24, everybody gets into an Elvis kind of mood as the first four contenders are sent home. Jared and Melinda come out the biggest losers, with the lowest votes, and then weird surprises abound as Sarah Mather and Judd Harris, who are attractive, have lovely voices, and do not suck, are sent home. Jared bursts into tears and Judd is dogpiled by everyone in Hollywood, while Melinda and Sarah both shut down like pissed-off and shell-shocked survivors of a crazy trauma. And I can't blame them. I just miss Judd already.	2005.02.23 2005.02.26	B-	Jacob
4-5 Recap	Knock It Off (The Box) Knock It Off (The Box) - The group is finally whittled into four separate rooms, and then we spend an hour kicking two of the rooms to the curb in a hail of flashbacks. Then the remaining contestants are summoned into a Scary Room to sit in a Scary Chair and be messed around by Scary Judges, and then we have our Final 24, whom we all already called weeks ago, but the show seems to be under the impression that we are at their mercy and don't see past their obvious manipulations. They're half wrong. I mean, we'll be back next week when the actual show starts.	2005.02.16 2005.02.19	B+	Jacob
4-4 Recap	"So What Are You Doing Here?" "So What Are You Doing Here?" - After a two-day round of individual auditions and cuts, the remaining contestants are split into teams of three, and then attempt to destroy each other utterly for a chance at stardom.	2005.02.09 2005.02.12	B	Jacob
4-3 Recap	Mentally Ill Is The New Hilarious, Part III Mentally Ill Is The New Hilarious, Part III - Actual performers, actually performing! Three cities in two nights! TV's Moesha and LL Cool J! And a third, surprise celebrity guest! Only he's not a celebrity, he's the DiGiorno guy, and he's not a guest, he's a contestant.	2005.02.02 2005.02.04	C+	Jacob
4-2 Recap	Mentally Ill Is The New Hilarious, Part II Mentally Ill Is The New Hilarious, Part II - Prostitutes both actual and imagined, both singing and "singing," highlight this week's episodes, which span from New Orleans to Las Vegas. We meet several people who are going to Hollywood, but whom we may or may not ever see again, including overnight sensations Gene "Just Can't Find The Sound" Simmons, Kenny "Back To The Days Of Pooh" Loggins, Leroy "Can't Talk To A Psycho" Wells, Ryan "Like A Normal Human Being" Seacrest, and Mikalah "Buffalo Stance" Gordon.	2005.01.26 2005.01.29	C-	Jacob
4-1 Recap	Gotta Get Through This Mentally Ill Is The New Hilarious, Part I - The District of Columbia, as it turns out, is chock-full of crazy people: Drugged-up crazy people, screamy crazy people, happy crazy people, sad crazy people, well-dressed crazy people, crazily-dressed crazy people, crazy people with voices inside their heads, crazy people with lots of different voices coming out of their heads, crazy people with spooky voices, crazy people with creepy dances, and crazy people who like to run right out into traffic. What? Like that's not brilliant comedy.	2005.01.19 2005.01.22	C	Jacob
3-24 Recap	Get her a pair of Manolo Blahniks, STAT! They Love Her, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeahhhhhhh - Fantasia wins the title of American Idol and practically falls apart on stage, both figuratively and literally.	2004.05.26 2004.05.31	A-	Shack
3-24 Extra	This show cost $12 to produce The Final Three 2004 - An interview special with the three remaining finalists prepares them for a future of being asked the same dumb questions over and over again by entertainment industry suck-ups.	2004.05.17 2004.05.27	N/A	Shack
3-23 Recap	Mood: Relieved Flower's Glum Song - Shack never wore flowers in his hair, but if he had, he probably would have stuffed them in his ears to avoid having to hear Jasmine sing poorly three times in an hour. Finally, she's ejected, leaving a final two of Fantasia and Diana.	2004.05.19 2004.05.23	B	Shack
3-22 Recap	Footloose and fancy-free Aloha, LaToya - Themes? Fantasia doesn't care about any stupid themes. After LaToya is ejected over the hopelessly outmatched Jasmine, you've got to wonder if even matters what they sing.	2004.05.12 2004.05.17	C	Shack
3-21 Recap	Don't even think of calling them "fat-bottomed girls" Another One Bites The Dust - Big band night brings us songs attached to Judy Garland, Irving Berlin, Natalie Cole, George Gershwin, Louis Armstrong, Barbra Streisand, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, and of course, Queen. The hammer falls on George.	2004.05.05 2004.05.09	B-	Shack
3-21 Extra	On the Ass with Ryan Seacrest The Final Five 2004 - An interview special with the five remaining finalists prepares them for a future of being asked dumb questions by entertainment industry suck-ups.	2004.05.03 2004.05.07	C	Shack
3-20 Recap	Cuban Fizzle Crisis Miami Ow Machine - John shows us all why sometimes nice guys are supposed to finish last, as a butchering of a Gloria Estefan song finally leads to his ejection.	2004.04.28 2004.05.02	C	Shack
3-19 Recap	Music and passion were always the fashion When Will I Scold You Again? - Barry Manilow makes a couple of guest appearances and defines the theme for this week's shows, but is surprised to discover that all the overwrought screaming has nothing to do with him. Jennifer gets the boot. America gets the vapors.	2004.04.21 2004.04.25	C+	Shack
3-18 Recap	He's Dancing As Fast As He Can From Dusk Till Jon - Caper around the stage all you want, little Jon, but swivel those hips of yours in the direction of "home," because that's where you're going.	2004.04.15 2004.04.19	A-	Shack
3-17 Recap	She sang her song like a candle in the wind I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues - Camile sputtered, fluttered, melted a little bit, and hardly illuminated anything. Finally, the voters snuffed her out.	2004.04.07 2004.04.12	C	Shack
3-16 Recap	Think Pink Buffoons In A Ten-Cent Motown - Unless it's in Amy's hair. Bye, Amy.	2004.03.31 2004.04.04	C+	Shack
3-15 Recap	Too many men on the field Honky Tonk Blahs - America gets a little uncomfortable being dragged into the passive-aggressive love triangle between Matt, Simon, and Ryan, so Matt is voted off. Voters also warn that we're fast reaching princess overload.	2004.03.24 2004.03.29	B+	Shack
3-14 Recap	Patti's just glad to have her good name back. Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing - Get on board the Soooooooouuul Train! Not so fast there, Leah. You brought it on yourself with that whole "LaBelle" thing.	2004.03.17 2004.03.21	B	Shack
3-13 Recap	Everybody needs somebody to hate The Spazz Singer - Leah LaBelle, meet Carmen Rasmusen and Jim Verraros. Jim Verraros and Carmen Rasmusen, meet Leah LaBelle. You all have a lot to talk about, so we'll just get out of your way.	2004.03.10 2004.03.14	F	Shack
3-12 Recap	Can I be frank? No, not Sinatra. You're Nobody Till Everybody Loves You - John Stevens and Jasmine Trias are cute and young and cute and young and cute and young and cute and young. And incredibly dull. Shack looks for ways to make his own fun.	2004.03.03 2004.03.08	C+	Shack
3-11 Recap	Find some new shtick, Bic London's Bridge Is Really Loud - Jon gets written off (geddit? Geddit?) after a bizarrely choppy rendition of "Tiny Dancer." Amy and LaToya belt their way into the finals. Leah cries because Americanizing her name doesn't convince people to vote for her.	2004.02.25 2004.02.29	B	Shack
3-10 Recap	The Fall of the Roman Empire 2 Fat 2 Furious - Jesus can't please us, and Noel makes us long for a silent night instead. Lisa is a flower among of field of stinkweeds, but she loses out to a creepy jock and a pretty young girl the judges are trying to convince us is better than she actually is.	2004.02.17 2004.02.22	F	Shack
3-9 Recap	If I vote for you, will you just calm down? The Pink And The Gray - Fantasia and Diana bounce, shriek, giggle, shimmy, dance, point, pout, flutter, mug, and cutesy their way into the finals. There are way too many verbs going on between the two of them.	2004.02.10 2004.02.15	B	Shack
3-8 Recap	You Don't Have To Go Home, But You Can't Fame-Whore Here Thanks For Scaring! - As the final thirty-two contestants are announced, we say goodbye to Nicole Tieri, Michael Keown, and Alan Ritchson, who will have to find somewhere else to be annoying, toolish, and sleazy. And you know, you can apply each of those adjectives to the three of them as you see fit.	2004.02.04 2004.02.09	B	Shack
3-7 Recap	The Greatest Self-Love Of All How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count The Ways - In the first two days of eliminations in Los Angeles, some contestants reveal that they love themselves so much that there's no room for anybody else to join in.	2004.02.03 2004.02.08	B+	Shack
3-6 Recap	The Contestants That Editing Forgot The Road To Hollywood - In this extra audition episode, you are introduced to some of the people who didn't fit into the regular episodes, but whom the producers would like you to meet anyway. It's kind of like a Greatest Hits, Volume III album -- you've gotta wonder whether what hasn't been used yet can be all that critical.	2004.02.02 2004.02.07	B	Miss Alli
3-5 Recap	Would You Like A Nice Hawaiian Punch? Them Against The Music, Part V - Well, thank God the auditions are finally over so we don't have to come up with any more awful locale-based headlines like this one.	2004.01.28 2004.02.02	B-	Shack
3-4 Recap	California Screamin' Them Against The Music, Part IV - Los Angeles is full of passionate young people who hope to succeed in the entertainment industry. Some of them will make it. The rest of them? They're all in this recap.	2004.01.27 2004.02.01	B-	Shack
3-3 Recap	The Smelly Throes Of Texas Them Against The Music, Part III - Heavy storms passing through Houston can't wash away the stench of bad singers. Of the thirteen selected for the next round, we hear exactly four.	2004.01.21 2004.01.26	N/A	Shack
3-2 Recap	"Must You Sing Directly In My Face?" Them Against The Music, Part II - All Miss Alli asks from the second crop of nitwits who want to be big stars is a little personal space. Is that too much to ask? Just don't...don't breathe on us, Purple-Haired Girl.	2004.01.20 2004.01.24	C	Miss Alli
3-1 Recap	There's a Broken Heart for Every Light on Broadway Them Against The Music, Part I - The third season premieres with auditions in New York. Fame is dangled in front of several desperate young people's faces, only to be yanked away just when they reach for it. Ha ha!	2004.01.19 2004.01.20	C	Shack
2-26 Extra	You, too World Idol, Part II - The world loves Bono and people who sound a lot like Bono. Except for the mythical nation of "Pan Arabia," which just wants to dance, dance, dance.	2003.1.001 2004.01.04	C	Shack
2-25 Extra	Jesus wept World Idol, Part I - FOX reminds us all that they're still in league with Satan when they celebrate the birth of Christ by inflicting horrible singers from around the world on their viewers.	2003.12.25 2003.12.31	C	Shack
2-24 Extra	No, you cannot get my attention Ruben Studdard: "Soulful" - Ruben is boring in several musical genres.	2003.12.26 2003.12.25	C-	Shack
2-23 Recap	The night, it wasn't so silent An American Idol* Christmas* - Your favorite American Idol contestants perform a number of holiday standards. Oh, and Christina Christian sings, too.	2003.11.25 2003.11.29	B-	Shack
2-22 Recap	"Why is Brian Eno raping a Muppet on my phone?" Clay Aiken: "Measure Of A Man" - That's what Sars said when Shack left half a dozen voicemail messages featuring sound bites from Clay's debut album. Shack just wants to make sure that somebody else gets to split all the hate mail.	2003.10.23 2003.10.22	N/A	Shack
2-21 Recap	I don't think I'm ready for this Jelly From Justin To Kelly - Justin and Kelly meet and fall in love. The movie versions of Justin and Kelly, not the real Justin and Kelly. You can tell the difference, because the real Justin and Kelly aren't insipid, boring, stiff robots who have less charisma than a certain giant green CGI monster that is kicking their asses in the box office.	2003.06.27 2003.06.26	N/A	Shack
2-20 Recap	The (Eeeeeee!) stands alone An Idol Ain't Nothin' But A Sandwich - Ruben wins. Clay loses. But despite all the hype about the glory bestowed on the winner, they both essentially get the same treatment, so this is all kind of pointless. And after hearing their first singles, it may end up that twelfth-place Vanessa Olivarez is the real winner.	2003.05.21 2003.05.24	B-	Shack
2-20 Extra	What Shack needs now is a frickin' break! American Idol: The Final Two - Lord, we don't need another clip show. We've got reruns and blather enough to air. We've got nitwits and nonsense enough to share. Get out of my hair. I just don't caaaaaaare.	2003.05.19 2003.05.20	C	Shack
2-19 Recap	I've Grown Accustomed To Their Fates Surrender Dorothy - Ruben! Clay! Ruben! Clay! Ruben! Clay! It's the face-off that feels like it was foretold in the Book of Deuteronomy. Kimberley can't hope to stand against their undeserved levels of hype, and is ejected.	2003.05.13 2003.05.18	B	Shack
2-18 Recap	Dereliction of Doody The Fat And The Furious - Hi, I'm Josh, and I'm coming to kill you for not voting for me. But can I use your bathroom first?	2003.05.07 2003.05.11	B-	Shack
2-17 Recap	Dishonorable discharge Throwing The Paybee Out With The Bathwater - Josh sucks, grimaces, shouts, and forgets the words, but it's Trenyce who gets the combat boot out of the competition. Not that anybody notices, what with Ruben nearly getting the axe.	2003.04.29 2003.05.03	C	Shack
2-16 Recap	We're Gonna Wash That Girl Right Out Of Our Hair Bleatdown - Carmen loses her virginity to a bottle of shampoo, just as God intended. But since she's no longer as pure as the driven snow, the show, the audience, and Tsathoggua no longer have any use for her wretched singing, and she's voted out.	2003.04.23 2003.04.27	A-	Shack
2-16 Extra	Remember that one time? Halfway Home - It's a clip show! No, it's a stupid interview show! No, it's an opportunity to see people sing songs again that, in many cases, they didn't sing well the first time! Oh, it's all those things. And more.	2003.04.21 2003.04.25	B	Miss Alli
2-15 Recap	Beautiful Disaster The Wrongest Time - It's not just a song on Kelly Clarkson's new album. It's also a description of Carmen's performances. And probably Kimberly Caldwell's personality. But we won't have Kimberly's desperate playing to the camera to mock anymore. Well, at least until she finds her way onto yet another talent show.	2003.04.16 2003.04.19	C+	Shack
2-14 Recap	Please don't feed the goat A Call To Carms - Oh, never mind. Go ahead. The worst singers on earth (such as Carmen and Josh) remain in the competition, while Rickey gets the boot. Somebody needs to let Nigel Lythgoe know we have laws against bestiality here in the States.	2003.04.08 2003.04.12	C-	Shack
2-13 Recap	Macho Man Blame It On The Boogie - Corey is ejected from the contest for concealing charges that he beat up his sister and resisted arrest. Where do the rest of us go to complain about his assault on our eardrums?	2003.04.02 2003.04.06	B	Shack
2-12 Recap	Chicken-fried fake You Say "DeMato," I Say "Goodbye" - You might think that a "country rock" theme would be Josh and Carmen's chance to shine, but you'd be wrong. Julia is finally ejected from the competition, and she couldn't possibly be happier about it.	2003.03.25 2003.03.29	C	Shack
2-11 Recap	Scream 4 Grigsby Goes Down - It's movie theme night, but all the horrors are inflicted on the audience, thanks to banshee Corey and zombie Julia. Charles eases on down the road and out of the competition.	2003.03.19 2003.03.26	B-	Shack
2-10 Recap	Boring rules! Hooray for boring! Boobies Over Booty - Bland, charisma-free Julia and Kimberley survive the first round of finals, even though they sucked the life out of Motown's greatest hits. Vanessa was brassy and fun, so of course she gets ejected.	2003.03.11 2003.03.15	C+	Shack
2-9 Recap	Not so much "wild" as "inexplicable" Faker's Dozen - The wild card round brings back four girls from the initial auditions who had been rejected. The reasons why become abundantly clear when they sing for us again. But for some unexplained reason probably involving manipulation from the producers, Simon picks the worst of them to join Clay, Trenyce, and Kimberly in the final twelve.	2003.03.04 2003.03.08	B-	Shack
2-8 Recap	Semper Fie The Marine And The Moron - Bland Marine Josh and awful loser Corey are treated like the second coming of Simon & Garfunkel. The semifinals are so boring that they're bus-ing in people who were rejected back in Glendale to compete in the wild card round.	2003.02.25 2003.03.01	C-	Shack
2-8 Extra	Ow. Quit it. The Best And/Of The Worst - American Idol presents an hour of bad performances from the audition rounds. As opposed to the hour of bad performances in the semifinals they've been showing us for the past three weeks.	2003.02.19 2003.02.25	C	Shack
2-7 Recap	I will always wave my booty in your face! Moon Over Miami - Vanessa waves her ass all the way into the finals, joined by Rickey the Murphinator. We also see the consequence of Justin and Kelly (Eeeeeeee!) having their souls sucked out by their new corporate masters as they sing their way lifelessly through a song in their new movie.	2003.02.18 2003.02.22	B-	Shack
2-6 Recap	When pretty waif girls make bad song choices Large And In Charge - Candice, Hadas, and Jennifer pick really bad songs to sing. Kimberly gives Simon attitude, but still makes it to the finals. Ruben also makes it to the finals, and treats Ryan to a manwich. Frenchie isn't in this episode. And because of a certain porn-related history, she won't be in any future episodes, either.	2003.02.11 2003.02.16	B-	Shack
2-3 Recap	Atlanta vs. Nashville Same Old Snit, Part III - The judges head to Atlanta and Nashville to pick more contestants from the masses. Paula is absent in Atlanta, which means she misses Keith, the worst singer in the world (according to Simon). And when is Simon ever wrong? Or, you know, cruel for the sake of it?	2003.01.25 2003.02.11	B+	Alex Richmond
2-5 Recap	Starting off with a blah Accentuate The Negative - The first round of semifinals brings us eight terribly boring singers. Not even a trumped up "rivalry" between Julia DeMato and Kimberly Caldwell can make this snoozer interesting. Special cameo appearance by a mouth-breathing dipwad. No, Dunkleman's not back.	2003.02.04 2003.02.09	C	Shack
2-4 Recap	Which show is this, anyway? A Snitch, A Switch, And Some Bitches - Kim and Julia act like they're on Sorority Life. Alden, Corey, and Stephen (or Stefan, or whatever) act like they're on Fraternity Life. Marcus acts like he's on 7th Heaven. Is anybody here to sing?	2003.01.29 2003.02.03	B	Shack
2-2 Recap	More sucking than a vacuum cleaner expo Same Old Snit, Part II - Hey, look! More lousy singers! Let's listen in.	2003.01.22 2003.01.26	B-	Shack
2-2 Extra	Wasn't there something about singing once? Where Are They Now? Special - Movies, television shows, commercials -- the finalists from the first season of American Idol are about as involved with actual music as MTV these days.	2003.01.21 2003.01.25	C	Shack
2-1 Recap	"Shame"? Sorry, we don't stock any of that here. Same Old Snit, Part I - A bunch of really pathetic people are encouraged to humiliate themselves on television for our amusement. What could be better than that? Coming to FOX in 2004: Bumfights: The Series.	2003.01.21 2003.01.24	C+	Shack
2-1 Recap	Once More, With Squealing Once More, With Squealing - I tried out for American Idol 2 and all I got was this lousy Extra!	2003.01.14 2003.01.13	A	Steptacular
1-15 Recap	The EEEEEEEEEEEEE hits the fan. Fan escapes without injuries. The EEEEEEEEEEEEE hits the fan. Fan escapes without injuries. - American Idol comes to Long Island, featuring Shredwear, Pink Hair, and a Disco Pirate. And now for the musically talented portion of the evening. (Not so fast, Ms. McKibbin...)	2002.10.31 2002.10.30	B-	Baby Jebus
1-14 Recap	Your American Idol -- until next year The Winner Takes It All - America shows its respect and surrenders to the power of that natural woman, Kelly Clarkson. We can only hope her new handlers think twice about releasing those awful new ballads as single. Seriously, don't play that song. Or that other one. Give us more "Stuff Like That There."	2002.09.04 2002.09.06	A-	Shack
1-13 Recap	Waterloo -- couldn't escape if she wanted to The Sixth Time's The Charm - The Sword of Damocles that has been dangling over Nikki's head since she made it to the final ten falls at last. America's latest sweethearts, Kelly and Justin, will have to battle it out for final ownership of the (Eeeeeeee!).	2002.08.28 2002.08.30	B-	Shack
1-12 Recap	First Dubya, now this Didn't She Almost Have It All? - After struggling nearly every week to stay in the competition, Nikki...still isn't eliminated. Instead, Tamyra has a slightly off night due to a sore throat and is tossed out by the voters like she's a screeching, baby-eating harpy. Yes, Shack is bitter. As a bonus, we also get a preview of what Hell is like.	2002.08.21 2002.08.24	C-	Shack
1-11 Recap	Wishin', and hopin', and screechin', and borin' One Less 'Bot To Answer - The (Eeeeeee!) decides to take a holiday the same week the kids perform Burt Bacharach songs, leaving all five of them to warble out lackluster performances. Even though Nikki's performance is truly awful, R.J. exhibits some serious flaws in his "manners" chip and is sent back to the factory for debugging.	2002.08.14 2002.08.15	C	Shack
1-10 Recap	Rockin' Pneumonia And The Boogie Woogie Blues The Silencing Of The Lamb - Kelly (Eeeeeee!) fills Judy Garland's shoes on big band night, while R.J. all but pees in Fred Astaire's during an absolutely graceless performance. The burden of bearing Simon's heaping praise and unprofessional flirtation sends Christina to the hospital, and then the voters send her packing.	2002.08.06 2002.08.09	B	Shack
1-9 Recap	Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road Baby, Baby, Don't Get Hooked On (Eeeeeee!) - See that peg, way up there? That used to be Justin's. Now look down. No, a little further. That's his current peg. Fortunately, his afro cushioned the fall. Also, Foreshadowing slips on a leisure suit and helps Ryan choose what turns out to be her swan song.	2002.07.31 2002.08.01	B	Shack
1-8 Recap	Screw all that peace and love stuff Nonsense And Peppermints - The song selections and the continued tendency to mouth off at authority figures are pretty much all you'll see from the '60s during this week's performances. Neither Justin nor Ryan is nearly so charming when they're not having their egos stroked. A.J. is eliminated -- or perhaps exorcised -- from the competition.	2002.07.24 2002.07.25	C+	Shack
1-7 Recap	Gaye is good. Gay, not so much. Warbling 'Round That Motown Sound - Or so say the voters. The two queeniest finalists get their walking papers, as we say goodbye to EJay and Jim. America's just not ready for a gay idol, except for that Tom Cruise. Also, R.J. falls down, goes boom.	2002.07.16 2002.07.20	B+	Shack
1-6 Recap	Take The J-Train Nothing Wild - The judges choose R.J. as the tenth finalist, fulfilling the secret requirement that all male finalists have the letter "J" featured prominently in their first names. Shack entertains himself during this boring episode by randomly killing off people. Well, two people in particular.	2002.07.10 2002.07.11	C	Shack
1-5 Recap	American Idol Smackdown Simon Is A Meanie! - A contestant is disqualified, and the judges stage a fight in order to draw attention away from the fact that all the singers this round are rather blah. Christina, Nikki, and Ejay join the other finalists for sucking less than the others.	2002.07.02 2002.07.04	C-	Shack
1-4 Recap	I Believe I Can Cry Second Verse, Same As The First - First Jim, now A.J. Maybe next week a box full of puppies will land a spot in the finals. Justin (Eeeeeeee!) and Kelly are voted to the finals as well, because they can actually sing.	2002.06.26 2002.06.28	B-	Shack
1-3 Recap	This is why I don't watch the Teen Choice Awards Pushing America's Buttons - It's confirmation of everything we've always known about pop music: If the girls think you're adorable, it doesn't matter if you can sing. Jim makes it to the next round with the help of the inventors of the redial button. In less horrifying news, Tamyra and Ryan make it as well.	2002.06.18 2002.06.24	C+	Shack
1-2 Recap	Good Karma doesn't always come back Pick Your Poison, Part II - Say goodbye to the fat and the funny, as the judges get down to the business to picking out the performers they think will make teenagers give their corporate masters their money. Goodbye, Jacquette! Goodbye, Elias! Hello, pretty people!	2002.06.12 2002.06.14	A-	Shack
1-1 Recap	Moulin Rude Pick Your Poison, Part I - Thousands of Americans are finally told that they really can't sing. It's about freaking time. Dreams are crushed, hearts are broken, names are mangled, and tantrums are thrown in the premiere of yet another pop-based reality contest. But this time the viewers get to help pick the winner. Hopefully that will save us from another Jacob Underwood.	2002.06.11 2002.06.12	A-	Shack