American Idol
Season 12, Auditions #3

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | 1 USERS: B+
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Joel Nemoyer from Carlisle looks like the kid from Chronicle, is highly nervous, and has a tendency to fall down a lot. Fortunately his thing is singing flat on his back, a practice like this very show pioneered back in Season Five. On his way in, the judges tweak him for checking his watch, which triggers a whole flood of awkwardness from him on levels I didn't even know existed. When they invite him to sing, he sacks out on the American Idol logo on the floor to croon "Feelin' Good," much to their confusion. If he sounds like that lying down, I hate to think what he sounds like standing up. The judges cut him loose with three nos and a "never" from Randy.

Time to meet a beefy bookkeeper and father from Jasper, Georgia named Brian Rittenberry. He's a dad who talks about his wife's battle with seemingly terminal appendix cancer. At least he got a lot of photos of her before she--oh, snap, here she is! Not dead after all. Now he's going to have to actually sing well. Brian goes into the audition room and talks about his wife, which is when he mentions her crush on Keith Urban. Out in the hallway, Ryan refers to this as a "hall pass" in front of their family, a moment which she probably prefers to having cancer but not by much. Brian busts out a white-guy-gospel version of "Let It Be" that impresses the judges. While they're all giving him props and telling him yes, Ryan steers Brian's wife into the room to witness the moment and, more importantly, get a hug from Keith Urban. Even for her it's all about the judges.

After we come back from the ads with a mini-montage of peckishness, a surfer dude named Jimmy Smith enters the audition room and names Keith as one of his inspirations. "You're going to Hollywood!" Keith dorks, hopping prematurely out of his chair. With the comedy thus dispensed with, Jimmy sings "Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts, almost exactly like Rascal Flatts. Nicki declares him "poppin'," Keith claims to be able to read Jimmy's personality through his tone, and Mariah can't wait for the world to hear him. Randy's got nothing to say but to make the yeses unanimous.

Some more decent auditions speed by from the likes of Sarina-Joi Crowe (sounds like she's autotuned even when singing live), Haley Davis (blonde cutie), and Na'chelle Fullins Lovell (hitting the high notes Mariah Carey used to), all of whom get golden tickets, along with some nameless folks we'll never see again. The judges break for lunch, after a lot of complaining about how hungry they are, but not before Mariah makes them listen to her Billie Holiday impression.

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American Idol

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