American Idol
Season 12: Top 8 – Results Show

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M. Giant: B | 1 USERS: C
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Wow, dramatic lighting on the stage before the credits. Ryan and the top eight look like they're in that prison from The Dark Knight Rises

After the credits, and the entrances of the judges, Ryan welcomes us to the 450th episode of this show. That number seems a little low, even if we're only counting this season. The week's Detroit theme now wheezes its last with the top eight all singing "Old Time Rock & Roll" by Bob Seger. The best thing about it is that we get to hear what an inevitable Bob Seger Broadway musical will sound like. And just because it's the best thing doesn't mean it's a good thing.

I surely haven't missed the idiotic Ford music videos this season, but the car company isn't going gently into that good night of not embarrassing itself during results shows. Now it's just taking the form of sending the top eight out on a "Fiesta Mission," which is theoretically when they venture out into the world in Ford Fiestas to do some good. Which would be more impressive if it didn't involve eight finalists caravanning in four vehicles. Carbon footprint, people. They show up at a school and pair off with grade-schoolers to teach them how to...sing "Home" by Phillip Phillips. That's their big mission? Introducing young children to the sinister corporate synergy that will inform every entertainment decision that's made for them the rest of their lives? Well, I guess they might as well figure it out some time. This would be bad enough if Janelle weren't reduced to tears by the whole thing. I mean, these kids don't look like they're poor, or dying, or even particularly tone-deaf. They'll all get Grammys before they get Nobel Peace Prizes for this. Hell, Zoanette will get a Grammy before anyone gets a Nobel Peace Prize for this.

Time for something that provides actual value to the world, which is Jimmy Iovine's recap of last night's show. He says Candice was great and everyone should be like her...like Candice is. Jimmy wasn't impressed with Janelle's half of her duet with Kree, and agrees that Lazaro was better than last week, but insists that he needs to listen to someone if he's not going to listen to Jimmy. "At least he needs to listen to the melody." Burn! He says Janelle "murdered" her solo last night and would put it on her album if she does one. As for Devin, Jimmy thinks he was good in comparison to himself, but not the others as much. He loved the Amber/Candice/Angie trio together, especially the restraint that Angie picked up from the other two. Jimmy also dug Burnell, and brings up his weight loss since his initial audition. He didn't so much love Angie's solo, saying it was wrong on enough levels that he's wondering if they should even let these kids keep picking their own songs. He's confident that Amber won't be back in the bottom three this week, since she did what he and Smokey asked her to do. As for the abortive guy-trio from last night, he dubs them "Wrong Direction" and says that the lack of preparation by one or two of them is going to affect all three of them in the voting. Jimmy loved Kree's performance, especially her higher register. He wraps it up by predicting that the guys will be in the bottom three and that Lazaro is done. Spoiler: he's half right.

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American Idol

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