American Idol
Season 7: Top 16 Girls

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The Joy Of Rediscovering You

The girls are lined up on the staircase to start, and Asia'h is first, so I guess it's in order of height? Wait, where's Ramiele? Anyway, this is the last chance for the girls to perform before we see who gets to go to finals and have to put up with all the strippers and dope smokers and teenaged shoo-ins we saw last night. Ryan accuses Randy Jackson of being "too nice" this season, and since nobody decides to make a good/evil joke about the goatee, I won't either. I've managed to pause the DVR while we're on a shot of the Dawg Pound and four of the eight guys (all three Davids, plus Castro) are wearing scarves. This is becoming a serious problem that we all need to band together and face as a nation. We lost the battle against Uggs, we cannot afford to let the indoor scarves win as well.

Paula's dumb-ass advice to the girls is to pick one of the great songs that the '80s has to offer, once again failing to mention the ridiculously constricted list of approved songs that the contestants have to choose from. I'm not saying that excuses poor song choices -- Lord knows there had to have been better options than "Another Day In Paradise" and that Wham! Song last night -- but it's just one more reason these themed semi-finals are sucking ass. She then crazies a bit about how she wishes the girls had dressed up like asshole in bad '80s fashions before Ryan shuts her up and gets to business.

Asia'h's up first, and we're still on "Most Embarassing Moments." Hers has something to do with a collision at a roller disco. Would that all of our most embarrassing moments could occur someplace as glamorous as a roller disco rather than in our high school auditoriums. On stage, she bounces her way around Whitney's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody." Isn't this one of those cursed songs that people keep getting eliminated on? Anyway, I'm not sure if it's the song or the violet-on-lavender wardrobe (Paula! Here's one!) or the fact that she's teeny-tiny, but this is very Kids, Incorporated, right here. It's probably the song, because Asia'h can still bring it with the voice. She still sounds kind of hoarse on the big notes, but it's kind of charming. Anyway, the judges pretend like this song is some untouchable big-voicer Whitney song when it's really just disposable fluff (more disposable than regular Whitney? Yes), but Randy thinks it was hot and Paula says she nailed it. Simon says it was "second-rate Whitney," which Asia'h enthusiastically says she'll take. She's clearly frustrated by two straight weeks of Simon's disapproval, but he concedes that it was enough to get her into finals.

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American Idol

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