American Idol

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Joe R: B- | Grade It Now!
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In The Jingle-Jangle Something We'll Come Following You

This next hour will be perhaps the most anti-climactic and predictable all season, so let's not futz around trying to interpret Ryan's body language (he's busy) or Archuleta's (he's frightened) or Syesha's (she's inspired by the story of herself). This...is getting recapped real effing quick.

I just noticed Ryan's teeny tiny fauxhawk, like, a week ago, which means I'm going to have to issue a teeny tiny apology to Jimmy Kimmel, but anyway: it's still there. Kind of appropriate that Ryan's fauxhawk would be the shortest fauxhawk I've ever seen, right? He says the top three vote-getters all finished within a million votes of each other, which I thought totally gave away who was getting eliminated right off the bat. He introduces the judges, then tries to make Randy apologize for being "hard" on Syesha last night (he doesn't, to his credit). Same thing for Simon re: Castro. Simon says he wasn't angry last night, just kind of dumbfounded by the maddening song choices by "some" people. Meaning: Castro. Then Paula takes credit for making Syesha cry, and then it's the Top 4 out to sing "Reelin' In The Years." Wow, American Idol does Steely Dan. And just in time for my dad's birthday too! The choreography is as elaborate and weird as it's ever been this season, which is saying something if you've watched any of the group numbers this year. They keep doing this Abbey Road walk across the stage in single file, because God forbid we forget The Beatles for one goddamn second, and then the stage wall opens to reveal...the regular Idol guitar player. Eh, he's no FANTASIA.

After the break, Ryan introduces the video recap of last night, which: I already recapped that yesterday, so go read that. It's funny, I promise! Then it's time to start eliminations, and Ryan brings out Archuleta. If you're a big fan of that awesome Ryan/David banter in which Ryan tries to get David to either relax or loosen up or say something even little bit interesting, and David responds by smiling and laughing uncomfortably and then saying what he's been told to, then you were totally in luck tonight. The talking points tonight were that David felt he "connected" with the songs. Fascinating. Oh, and he "had fun" with "Stand By Me," which...yes, I can believe that's as "fun" as David gets. David's safe, as usual, so he heads for the couches.

Ryan reminds us that the visits home will be next week. Shit. Then he keeps us in suspense about whether Cook, Castro, or Syesha will be going home.

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American Idol

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