American Idol
Skeptacular! Skeptacular! Part II

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Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
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God Bless the Broken Show That Brought Her Here To Us
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Much as they did last night, the lights come up from the darkness and the screaming begins, and it is still very, very exciting. I mean, I know it already happened, and I was certainly not fooled this time around, but since the entire travesty is two hours of nothing wrapped around a half-hour of something, you've got to take your thrills where you can get them. And there are thrills to be had.

We begin the first segment with the Antepenultimate Ten, and they are dressed like idiots, and they singing a Beach Boys medley. I came to the Beach Boys late in life. For a long time I just thought it was more of that oldies music that all sounds the same, and it's about stupid crap anyway, surfers and huarache sandals and all that, and, like, I didn't know there was a qualitative difference between the Beach Boys and Jan and Dean, who irritate me no end, and whoever else. The surfer guy groups. Hate them. And then somebody made me listen to Pet Sounds on headphones, like forced me to. This was freshman year of college, if you know what I mean. Like everybody thought they were socialists, these little Klostermans and Zinns just waiting to be discovered. But it turned out that I was pretty much totally predisposed to love Brian Wilson, like we were connected in some kind of new age Vonnegut fashion, and that was how I figured out why. The Idols do not so much pay what I'd call homage, however, so we'll run through this quickly.

It's been a while, so let's run down the names. Mikalah and Jessica, the Banger Sisters of this little tableau, are up in front, dressed insanely. Jessica's wearing a tight little sausage dress over white jeans, and it is a sickly chartreuse color not unlike that of one Mr. Spongebob Squarepants, and it has a halter top, like, that ties at the nape, and it is backless, and she's wearing a bright turquoise brassiere that you can clearly see through the back of the shirt-dress, because the back of it is not there. It gathers horizontally in a way that makes up for a lot of the flaws going on, but regrettably, completely hides her chest. It's pretty much a disaster. Queen of disaster, of course, is Mikalah, wearing a vagina-baring skirt and a midriff jacket with the collar popped, and she considers this "clothed." Both of the things she's wearing are white denim. She looks like she bought a prostitute costume at the Miami Vice yard sale, and is wearing big pink plastic hoops. Her hair looks like those dogs that have dreads. Am I painting you a picture?

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American Idol

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