American Idol
The Silencing Of The Lamb

Episode Report Card
Shack: B- | Grade It Now!
Rockin' Pneumonia And The Boogie Woogie Blues

Now it's time to begin the elimination crap, thank God. It's like those skits are intended to make us look forward to somebody getting booted, knowing that eventually the contest will end and there will be no more product-placement crap like that for at least the few months until the next season begins. They're going to do the same judge recap they've done for the past eliminations. Tamyra was beloved by all and is safe. Kelly (Eeeeeee!) was beloved by all and is safe. Nikki got blah comments and is in the bottom three. She's wearing cool glasses and isn't at all bothered by the result. R.J. sucked and everybody agreed. He's making his first trip to the bottom of the barrel. Black and Decker repeat the judges' comments about how much they loved Christina's performance to the camera, just in case she's watching in the hospital (she says she wasn't). Then they repeat Justin's compliments. One of them is in the bottom three, exactly the same as last week. At least Christina's not there for them to fuck with her head yet again as they toss it to commercials before revealing the third potential rejectee.

Commercials. All the judges and remaining finalists will be on The Teen Choice Awards next Monday, if you care. I don't, but you might. If you do care, please don't tell me. Thanks.

When we return, it's time to reveal the third potential rejectee. Black and Decker act like Christina is sitting over there on the couch. Really, they do. And to make everything even more awkward, Justin is safe, placing the absent Christina in the bottom three. Black and Decker ask the judges for their comments about tonight's potential bootees. Randy says he agrees with how the bottom three shook out, and urges them all to "be on their Ps and Qs, and to become the [best] that they can become" if they want to stay in the competition. "Be on their Ps and Qs"? Isn't that how an elementary school teacher tells a kid to mind his own business? ["And the expression is 'mind your Ps and Qs,' so…I don't know. Sometimes I think English is a second language to Randy (not to mention Paula)." -- Sars] Paula blathers on about "levels of greatness" and blah blah blah "proved they're already American Idols, and I have nothing of value to add to any conversation, ever. You can program everything I say into a computer and just have it spit out my comments periodically." ["See my previous comment. Garbage in, garbage out." -- Sars] Simon says that he believes that R.J. and Nikki belong in the bottom three based on their performances. He says he doesn't believe that Christina belongs there, and the rest of his comments are drowned out by the world shouting, "Take a cold shower and get over it, wanker!" Seriously, who should take her place on the bottom three, Simon: Tamyra, Justin, or Kelly (Eeeeeee!)? Roll up your tongue, put your penis back in its holster, and actually listen.

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American Idol




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