Tuesday. Melodramatic Announcer melodramatically recaps Tamyra's shocking ejection last week. There's an unexpected melodramatic sneer in his voice when he tells us, "Your lack of votes ousted [Tamyra] from the competition." But since 19 Entertainment all but stormed the stage during the results show to pick up Tamyra's management option, I'm not shedding tears over her ejection. Well, not anymore. Shut up. Melodramatic Announcer melodramatically warns us, "Tonight, the pressure mounts as the surviving three realize that one mistake could be their last." Unless you're Nikki, of course.
Credits. This week's nicknames are courtesy of ABBA, because I saw Mamma Mia! last weekend, and now half of the songs are stuck in my head. Ryan "Does Your Mother Know?" Seacrest and Brian "Should I Laugh Or Cry?" Dunkleman head out from the back of the stage to The Octagon of Judgment. In the audience, Nikki, Justin, and Kelly fans live together in perfect harmony with side-by-side signs. There's also a sign from a Randy fan, as well as one that reads, "Dunkleman for President. Simon for Queen." So clearly, Brian was at least able to rent a friend for the evening. Black and Decker greet the cheering audience and introduce themselves. Brian says, "I am a Dunkleman. Wouldn't you like to beat a Dunkleman, too?" Yes, yes I would. Thanks for asking. Oh, I misheard; he asked if I wanted to be a Dunkleman. Ew. Get away.
Tonight, the remaining finalists will sing one song of their own choice and one song chosen by the judges. Unless they really didn't like that song the judges choose, in which case the judges will choose a totally different song. Or so I've heard. Black and Decker introduce Kelly, Nikki, and Justin, who come out to greet the cheering crowd. After the kids file back off, Black and Decker introduce the judges by pointing out that it's essentially a "three on three" match, what with the number of finalists equaling the number of judges. They suggest that Justin should be able to "handle" Randy "On And On And On" Jackson. That would be like seeing Ichabod Crane taking on Shaquille O'Neal. They continue that Nikki could take on Paula "Dancing Queen" Abdul. She'd kick Paula's ass in about three whole seconds, and then Paula would have an excuse to get her prescription for painkillers refilled. Brian makes a loathsome comment about really wanting to see Nikki and Paula take each other on. Ryan concludes that Kelly could take on Simon "Hole In Your Soul" Cowell. He starts explaining that Kelly should "take Simon from behind, take her hand, and squeeze his nnnnnn knees." Ah, I see Ryan has been getting some action again. Clearly, Simon wasn't able to steal Christina away from her fiancé. Hopefully, this will calm Ryan down a bit.