American Idol
They're All Wasted!

Episode Report Card
Joe R: C+ | Grade It Now!
Don't Raise Your Eye

Elliott's video clip tells us that he has 90% hearing loss in his right ear, due to infections he had as a kid. Which makes it all the more impressive that he can sing as well as he does, I would think. So, here we are. Can't make fun of the ears, can't make fun of the teeth. Technically I am allowed to mention how he's crazy short, but on this show, you can't even tell because everyone is. You're killing me out here, Yamin. Wait! He's singing Bryan Adams? I do believe that's an opening. Truth be told, I like the song he's singing, "Heaven." But it's pretty wussy, I will readily admit. Last week, Elliott was essentially told to sing a pop song, and this is what he chose. He starts off really well, bringing the soulful voice in a clear, strong way. It gets away from him at the bridge and he never really retains it, but overall it's pretty good. At least with Elliott you have a voice strong enough to keep things interesting. Randy starts off by saying, "I rarely do this on this show," before delving into some pretty typical praise. He thinks Elliott consistently brings it and chooses good songs. Is that rare for Randy? Does he mean how he says he'd work on a record with Elliott right now? Because he kind of told Chris that last week. See, I'm thinking what Randy "rarely does" on this show is not talk out of his ass. Paula's much better. Funnier, at least. "Elliott you are absolutely phenomenal and amazing and hearing like the blueprint of your life what you've had to overcome and obstacles even makes it a richer story and background and…" And that's where the runaway train of words struck her drink and spilled it. Simon makes fun of her, asking if he can move forward with his own "blueprint." Hee. Paula I think says, "You're just a blackprint." I suspect Paula got drunk somewhere during the third commercial break, because she seemed fine before.

Elliott's eyes get wide as Simon says he thought the song was a "cop-out." He found a disconnect between Elliott and the song, and he looked uncomfortable singing it. Again, as with Chris and "indulgent," he's using harsher words than what he actually means. I can see the "disconnect" thing, actually. It's certainly not a song that fits comfortably in Elliott's personal style. But, again, this is what you ordered him to do last week, Simon. This is easily my least favorite part of the show, the constant yo-yo action of "Step out of your box!" / "Get back in your box!" So dishonest. What's wrong with saying, "Nice that you're trying something new, but it turns out you don't do it particularly well"? This whole business of phrasing it like Elliott is copping out is for the birds. Paula and Randy are still assholes, though, as they can't let Simon utter a negative opinion about anyone without drowning him out. Ryan calls Elliott an "inspiring machine." Like Haley Joel Osment or Tricia Helfer, I guess. Then, as Ryan kicks it to the break, we see Ace bust out an even dorkier double thumbs-up. As if that were possible.

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American Idol




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