American Idol
American Idol

Episode Report Card
Joe R: C- | 572 USERS: C+
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Tuck Nipped

Ryan calls for the lights to be dimmed: he's looking for the bottom three. The bottom row consists of: Mandisa, Chris, Kellie, Taylor, and Paris. If you're paying any attention at all, you know they're the safe ones. Ryan doesn't even try to fake us out. Paris has even managed to tone down the crazy celebration antics, so it's an all-around great week for her. Also of note: Chris and Kellie are seated next to each other and she sort of slaps him on his arm, as if to say, "Hey! Nice one!" I think it's cute. On to the top row. As the camera pans past Katharine (among others, but specifically as we pass Katharine), Ryan points the j'accuse right at us: "What have you done?" I'm right with you, Ryan. This could get bad for our girl. After the break (!), Ryan starts with Elliott, who shoves his fingers into his already fragile ears, anticipating an audience freak-out that never comes. Oh, that's embarrassing. He's dancing in his seat, knowing he's safe. And he is.

Know who isn't safe? Lisa. Know who knows she isn't safe? Lisa. Her giant slipping-down top is even resigned to the fact that she's at least going to be bottom three. She's so funny as she smiles at Ryan like, "Yup, I know." She dutifully makes the long walk to her trusty friend the seal. Ace doesn't look quite as up-chucky this time around, but he's still frightened puppy as opposed to needy puppy. Ryan informs him that he's back in the bottom three this week. The outrage from the audience isn't as genuine this time, and even his fellow contestants are like, "Well, yeah." Bucky and Katharine commiserate about being the last two fateless ones. She's back to looking super-pretty tonight, with the wardrobe flunky who attacked her with ugly clothes last night having been hopefully fired. Kat looks rueful and worried, while Bucky is smelling the world's biggest fart. When Ryan says it's Katharine who's in the bottom three, she's the only one who doesn't put on her shocked face. Well, she and I. I had a bad feeling about this. Her family section registers their displeasure, though her scary and balding mother looks like she's booing through her laughter. I don't ever want to know the depths of what that woman is capable of. Scares the shit out of me. Ryan notes the shock in the audience, but fails to yell at us for not voting. How will we learn, Ryan?

American Idol

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