After the commercials, Ryan and Chris are in the cola-will-rot-your-teeth area. Ryan thinks its time for some current events trivia. Hey Chris? Remember how last week you sang "I Walk the Line" but it sounded all alt rock and the judges were wicked impressed and called you original and uncompromising and your video clips conveniently omitted how it was Live's version of the song and the internet went kablooey as a result of being outraged that you'd double-bag a cover song instead of just sucking ass on the Johnny Cash version like you were apparently supposed to? Ring any bells? Ryan's like, "So. Live, huh?" Chris "fesses up" that it was indeed Live's version. They're one of his favorite bands (hmm) and he was excited to be able to perform their arrangement. Ryan makes fun of Chris a little, trying to get him to say how he "worships" Live. Dude, he already said he likes them. That's embarrassing enough. Then he gets into the Great Chris Conundrum, which is now that he's entrenched himself so deeply into the alt rock thing, is he ever going to be able to branch out on a theme night and sing, say, Celine Dion? Chris says he's got "something up his sleeve," which makes me think he'll be playing genre hopscotch some more. Of course, that's before the judges get to him this week, so we'll see.
Video Chris says he'll be singing Creed's "What If?" It's one of his favorite songs of the century. What a coincidence! It's one of my least favorite songs of ever! Creed is so much the bottom of Chris's barrel, it makes me sad to even contemplate it. "Oh for God's sake. Why doesn't he just sing Creed and get it over with?" And here he is. Singing Creed. The production is about the whoriest it's been at any time this season. The camera swoops in from the back of the theater and it never stops moving. A rolling Stapp gathers no moss! The lights are blinding and all over the place and I wish they would just give me a seizure already, because it's the lamest thing we've seen this year. Chris is a good singer. Within his genre, he's a great singer. But the more the bells and whistles around Chris get amped up, the more it looks like they're compensating for something, which makes my internal meter tick slowly but steadily away from loving him like I used to. Stupid fucking push-ins from every lame angle. The lights are all steely harsh, because rock music is cold and hard like actual rocks. At one point Chris is hovering all over the camera like our supreme overlord. It's so awful. It's like there's no singing going on at all. Just production spooging all over itself with every tricked-up visual tactic they could think of. I hate this so much. Like it wasn't going to be bad enough with the Creed song?