The theme this week is either "The 1960s" or "The British Invasion" or both, and I think the rule is that they're allowed to say "Beatles" but they're not allowed to sing any of their songs, thanks so much Michael Jackson. Instead of anyone interesting or relevant, we get Peter Noone, a cartoon of some sort, and "Lulu," an enigmatic (and, it turns out, awesome) woman who is like if you took Marianne Faithful and Twiggy and split the difference. Haley works it so damn hard, knowing she's up against elimination. She chooses "Tell Him," which Randy (correctly) says was an impeccable choice, and is about 75% naked, which Simon figures will be what everyone remembers. Noone lowballs us on Chris R.'s ability to sing the melody so much that when Chris is softly and sweetly on-pitch with "Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying," any potential boringness is swallowed up by his faked-up triumph over adversity. Rave reviews. Stephanie picks Dusty Springfield's "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me," and her listless and utterly uninspired performance calls up the ghost of Nadia Turner, who proceeds to give everyone a beatdown. Noone's back with Blake, and he's super crotchety about how maybe little girls like all that spitty beatboxing Blake does, but he certainly doesn't. Once again, Blake's "Time of the Season" is more of a triumph of arrangement and vibe than actual singing, but this time the judges appreciate it. And then Ryan makes a fool of himself 100 times in under a minute, including trying to beatbox.

After some truly artificial haggling with Lulu over what she should sing, LaKisha settles on "Diamonds Are Forever" and makes Simon think he's watching an old lady sing. Phil sings a song called "Tobacco Road" that doesn't sound at all British, but that's probably okay since things are temporarily upside-down, evidenced by the fact that Phil's lower notes were way better than his power notes. Jordin chooses Shirley Bassey's "I Who Have Nothing." Two Shirley Bassey songs and no "Goldfinger"? This is bullshit! No matter, as Jordin's voice came to play. She was hitting some Melinda notes there. The judges love it, though Simon found the song gloomy. Sanjaya's "You Really Got Me" offers him an opportunity to forget about singing entirely, which is a good thing because he's actually interesting. Of course, that's all overshadowed by the batshit-crazy awesomeness of the hysterical crying thirteen-year-old girl in the audience who gets more airtime than anyone else and who I think got her own 1-866 number. The whole spectacle is maybe the greatest thing I've ever seen on this show. Gina and her awesome new haircut try on some "Paint It Black," and I thought she was great, but Simon strongly disagrees, and after four weeks of telling her to drape rocker affectations all over herself, he dings her for style-over-substance. Sligh continues to be a giant wannabe-Blake by singing the second Zombies song of the night, "She's Not There." He walks all through the crowd trying to cultivate an "of the people" vibe, but he only achieves "desperately glad-handing." And then he apes Taylor and yelps out "Fro Patrol" and is thus DEAD TO ME. Melinda is predictably great on "As Long As He Needs Me," but she makes Little Miss Sobshine lose it in the audience again, which makes it all worthwhile. Seriously, that little girl made this whole episode. I'm off to vote for her right now! Tomorrow: results. Going home: I'd say Stephanie or Phil, but wouldn't it be ironic if the only week Sanjaya was at all compelling, he got bounced?