"Last night, we lost ourselves in the '60s," Ryan Seacrest begins, in that way he has of speaking where nothing makes sense and he's just trying to gather up enough words to fill time until the credits roll. Let's take a look at the top 11 contestants and see which ones look like they're going to puke: Sligh, Phil, Stephanie, Gina, Chris R., Melinda of course, Blake, and Haley. Sanjaya, I am pleased to report, is no longer on suicide watch, which is nice to see. I think that Kinks performance really knocked all the nervousness right out of him. If he can act like that much of an idiot onstage and still live to tell about it? That's gotta be a little liberating, no?

After the credits, it's time to review the signage. "LaKisha Is Forever": uninspired and cheap-looking. "Blake Is My Idol": like we haven't heard that one before, plus the pink-and-blue lettering makes it look like we're at a baby shower. "i vote 4 ryan seacrest": well, that's just stupid. What number did you dial, girl with the crazy eyes? Huh? What number?? Ryan introduces contestants and judges alike, but there's no time to talk to any of them, which I appreciate. Keep things moving, people. On to the recap of last night: First things first, we're reminded ever more bluntly that Crying Ashley was reminiscent of the girls who freaked out and died in the '60s when the Beatles came to their hometown airport. Paula, then, was drunk and suggested picturing Simon without any clothes on. Ryan giggled like a little girl. Stephanie and Sligh are grouped under the generic heading "Everybody was great...even these two!" Blake "breathed life" into a Zombies song (get it??), before Ryan once more displayed his total lack of shame by trying to dance. Then Haley got Simon horny (seriously, that's what the show tells us), and LaKisha wore diamonds, and we're specifically instructed to find her "If I sound like this at 50, I'll look good" comment delightful. Chris R. was "tender" and sang a song about crying, which leads us to...that's right. Sob, little girl, sob! Phil and Gina are herded into the "rock" niche and told to wait there until the coast is clear. And finally, Jordin and Melinda were our Shirley Bassey singers, and both were oh, so kick-ass.