American Idol
Top 20: The Results

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America Don't Care For Jazz
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

The girls ripped it up, and the guys threw it down, Ryan says. He's like Mary J. this week with the words. And the sass! He's dressed like Killers 2.0 in a skinny tie and Blake-adjacent hair, and looks like a million unhappy bucks. Meanwhile, everybody looks the same as ever, except Chris R. is wearing a counterintuitive hipster belt and Leslie is dressed like the world's wackiest babysitter. Ryan points out that the "always fun and candid Kellie Pickler" will be here shortly; one poor kid in the audience nearly starts crying at this news.

Remember the top ten guys and girls? Sligh was saved by a frogginess in his throat, Phil wasn't missing his hair at all, Chris was the geek in the pink, Sundance stayed true to his lack of roots, Nick was...what was I saying? Then Blake beatboxed and did some "vocal entendre" and wriggled gaily backstage; AJ wriggled gaily on-stage, but it wasn't enough. Sanjaya was sucky as hell and the judges called him on it, and Brandon was fabulous but begged a little too hard for votes. Jared was boringer than Nick, but Paula did some vocal entendres of her own. Then the ladies were like this: Gina finally got it together, somewhat, but was still not as good as Carrie singing "Alone," and Simon didn't like her cute dress. Lakisha was dressed scary and Simon hated it in a Mandisa way, Leslie was the best thing in the entire universe but Simon found her scatting to be Paula-esque. Jordin! sang that Mulan song some more, and Stephanie did a Beyoncé impression. Alaina butchered the Dixie Chicks and Antonella sang a Celine song, horribly, and then misspoke her snatchy self about how Simon was wrong about J-Hud, and was corrected. Sabrina was great, some other girl sang "Queen Of The Night," and Melinda's "Funny Valentine" was fucking amazing, because she can do anything, in addition to granting wishes and guarding her pot of gold.

Group sing more terrible than ever. Sundance screeching about how Jeremiah was a bullfrog, Jared twitching around, bad harmonies by boys; Leslie singing a beautiful countermelody over the group not quite loudly enough; Chris R. sounding not great compared to Chris S.; Haley and Jordin! singing sweetly; Sabrina and Phil being sexy, AJ singing about his love of the ladies and everybody grinning hilariously about that; Blake getting brutally rebuffed by the cameras; Gina pulling it out; Sabrina and Antonella not doing all that poorly together; Melinda getting central with a quickness; bad moves; hands in the air. Man, I hate that song about the bullfrog.

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American Idol

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