American Idol

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Try It With The Sound Off Next Time

The opening moment is ten times more dramatic than ever before, with shots of one microphone with a white spotlight juxtaposed against various dramatic statements by the Judgery. It's "true genius," as Paula would say, or "artistry" as Kara would. Mostly it's just very, very good television. Also good television? The fact that tonight's guest stars are Lady Gaga and David Cook. If you want the kids on this show to look into the prostitution eightball and see what magical fates await, that really is the dilemma, isn't it? Lady Gaga is the burnt-out sex-theme park robot creature this show wants, and David is the naïve, compromised artist to which the show pretends to aspire in its better moments.

Randy says the incredibly sensible fact that maybe giving these kids the theme of "Anything Or Whatever" might have been a tad ambitious for everybody concerned, and Ryan does some cleanup as far as the idiots that yelled at Kara last night. (Main idiot was supposedly Megan Joy's brother. -- Angel) She gives yet another canned speech, this time about how getting heckled is actually a sign that she's a part of the family and doing her job and being the hardass that she so continually tries to be. To lots of boos, ironically. Kara, don't sweat it. Getting booed even ten percent of Simon's boos means you're fifty times better than the other two. Paula says something about conviction and enthusiasm and does the cleanup thing after her particular love of Adam last night, saying that all of them are super great. Ryan asks Simon who should be worried: Anoop, Matt, and Megan. And he'll stop there, because that's ... all he needed to say.

I get a lot of letters about how smart or funny something was, when really it's just about echoing back whatever the reader wants to hear. Always. If I diss on Danny Gokey I get love from people who hate him, and hate from people who love him, and these things are nominally about my writing, but it never seems to make the jump to "Maybe I only think that was [funny/brilliant/shitty/poorly written] because it happened to [agree/disagree] with what I was already thinking." It's rarely if ever about me, with which I am superfine: I read the Huffington Post once a week at most, because I already know what it's like to agree with me, because like any other human being I know I'm right; I'm more interested in finding out about people that don't. I am way more interested in what Coulter or Fox News is saying, but I have noticed that most of my friends are all about Common Dreams and whatever, because it's nice to have your shit echoed back to you. And yeah, sometimes it is, and that's good. It's good to have facts to back your shit up, for example.

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American Idol

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