But I'm not just talking about poverty, or healthcare, I mean, lots of things are terrible that don't have anything to do with the many other tragic countries. There are tons of other bummer things, even some not based on the novel Push by Sapphire. And sometimes that -- the idea that giant changes don't ever really happen -- can be really stifling, and depressing, and you start thinking about bigger changes, still coming from a personal place. Harsh or loud or brutal things you might have to do, because the little changes are not enough, and things are really really wrong, and everybody's just standing around staring and whining even though everybody knows it: That we all deserve a better, a finer, a more wonderful world.
So I don't know what it's like at your house, but I don't smoke a lot of pot. Words are all I have, and pot makes me feel like I don't even have that. So 4/20 means something different to me, which is that... You don't harm other people. Ever. The ends are the means. But that notion -- that things are really bad and nobody will admit it -- and your anger at the way you and other people are treated can get really messy, and you get thugged out a little bit, or a lot. And maybe one day you decide to do something large, and hope for bigger change than the world can produce for you. In the hopes of forcing a finer world, maybe you turn into one bright scary thing, instead of a lot of contradictory normal things like the rest of us.
Which is a patently retarded, not to mention mentally ill, way of doing it. Killing Sharon Tate is not magically going to cause African-Americans to rise up and kill Whitey and then become your slave race. That is a dumb plan. Shooting up a whole high school is not going to make you hurt less. At all. But the feeling is there, and it's not activism and it's not martyrdom, because it's not really about you anymore: It's about the fact that we deserve something better.
I mean, it's certainly not heroism. I don't even know what that means. Maybe it's more like terrorism, I mean, terrorists need you to hear them, that's why they do what they do. They're not being heard, so they scream louder, and eventually so loud that they go crazy. But they're not wrong that there's something profoundly wrong in the world, and they think they know what it is, and they need it to stop. And it's like, there's a billion ways that could go wrong, and that's what 4/20 means to me, because there has to be at least one way for it to go right. We just haven't figured it out yet.