Lauren Alaina pretends to be "acting" by "acting" like Kelly Pickler, and as usual it's totally fake and a little creepy. The disingenuous Pickler thing plus the snake-eyed ill-intentions of Lauren add up to a serious creepster moment where she pretends to try to get rid of her accent.

My friend Melissa, in re: the cover of Gwyneth's new cookbook: "I'm just happy she's wearing a favorite boat-necked sailor shirt! Such a fun summer look."

The title of Gwyneth's new cookbook, UK edition: Notes From My Table.

I don't know why that freaks me out, but I do know that it's even harder to hate Gwyneth when you think about how Lauren Alaina, Dakota Fanning and Gwyneth Paltrow are all variations on the same basic theme, which is: How do you "do" authenticity? A question with no answer.

Reiner: "Ask me any question, it doesn't have to be about movies -- there's no reason it should be, really -- but it could be about God, or sex. Anything. I got time to kill."

(Or how about both?)

Casey: "This is dumb, but is it okay that I love Jack Black?"
Jacob: "It is totally okay. He's the only dude even in slight competition with you besides, like, David Petraeus. We are so in sync, Casey!"
Reiner: "You kind of look like Seth Rogan. Not when he lost that weight, but before and after he lost all that weight and gained it back again. Fat people can succeed sometimes."
Casey: "...Thanks, bro."

SPEAKING OF

Kelly Clarkson and some drunk hick take the stage looking gorgeous and homeless, respectively, and sing a song about... I don't know what the song is about because he's wearing his cowboy hat so low that you can't see his eyes. The sign of an insecure, or possibly a drunk or homeless, man. I'm sure he can be trusted -- Kelly is no fool -- but somebody should really tell him about his appearance. There's things you can do, son.

Then Kelly attacks Ryan about misrepresenting her tweets, calls Casey "delicious," and then -- on the way to adorably realizing she is ruining the live show, which is the one thing Ryan can't handle -- makes a nearly off-color joke about Ryan trying to get to the endpoint as quickly as possible "just like a man," which causes Ryan to blush and run around and flip his dress up over his head and spaz generally.