COWBOYS & ALIENS: A STORY OF ARIZONA
Ryan: "Still there's just Haley over there on the stools, but so much things are happening all the time at all times so why not sing a song? Here to sing a medley of songs from The Graduate, Durbin, Stefano and Paul. AKA, the three people most likely to get themselves in an actual The Graduate situation with Paula Abdul if she were still here."
will.i.am: "Girl, no you didn't! Mazel tov! What-what!? Yeah! Ohhhh Shiiiiit!"
Stefano: "Just please keep him away from me."
Ryan: "You're in a safe place."
The thing about Paul, Durbin, Jacob -- oh, Jacob's there in the back -- and Stefano is that they will not be able to harmonize in any way. The Death Eater sounds that come out of Paul are not going to mesh with the banshee wailing of Durbin; Stefano yelling is impressive only so long as stupid Lusk isn't there to yell louder and harder than him. Also, they are a bunch of drama queens.
Durbin: (Thinks Simon & Garfunkel are British, apparently.)
Paul: (Sings like he gargled the entire contents of Rod Stewart's stomach.)
Lusk: (Has never heard of Simon & Garfunkel despite singing their song last night.)
Stefano: (Lost, as usual, in the crunch.)
Ryan: "Lusk, you are a soupy mess of a person. Paul, you make white teeth look like a bad thing. Durbin, you're one weird little nugget. Stefano, you should have taken your shirt off somehow and then you'd maybe be safe."
James: Safe! Awesome. I guess having that famous guitarist -- as one insightful reader called it, "finale-level guest accompaniment" -- and the intensely fake fight with the mentors did the job.
Stefano: Is in the Bottom Three. Was born in the Bottom Three. Will eventually shuffle off this mortal coil via the Bottom Three. Top Three of Bottom Three People.
Lusk & Paul: I hate that one of them is safe. I wish I could say that Paul going to the B3 again made me happy and joyful, but honestly I'm just mixed up because I wish Lusk would leave too, and I know he never will, so I can't even get my hopes up.