Live from Los Angeles (with portions pre-recorded) it's America's Got Talent! I am so ready for tonight's competition. I ate a lot of carbs. I drank two glasses of water per beer. I disco-napped. I have my astronaut diaper. I'm ready. Let's do this thing! Once again Jerry Springer starts the show by announcing the stakes and introducing the judges. Still Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne, and David Hasselhoff. I wonder if next season they'll pull an American Idol and bring in a fourth judge to round out the panel? Of course, none of these judges are nearly as batshit crazy as a certain Paula Abdul, so the producers may not need to have their permanent mental health day contingency plan in place. Jerry introduces the talent, the Xs, the buzzers, and the audience. We're all ready. Jerry asks Piers about buzzing half the acts last night. Piers is unapologetic and says he should have buzzed a few more. Sharon agrees. This is a talent competition. There's no room for Mrs. Nice Woman. She's looking for a superstar. The Hoff agrees. He may have said more. I'm too poor to pay attention to him and his vest.
Jerry brings last night's contestants back onstage. Can someone please explain why we must continue with this charade that it was "last night" It's totally a few hours later, right? If it's the next night, why is everyone wearing the same outfit? Do The Texas State Strutters really want to meet their fate in pink sequins? I think not. The contestants file back on stage. Some look wary. Others look excited. Jerry introduces a montage of clips from last night's show and backstage antics. Once again the backstage clips aren't particularly interesting -- just a lot of the mediocre acts complaining that the judges didn't understand their art. Cry me a river of suckitude, all of y'all.
Judgment time! But we interrupt this passing of judgment to announce that Bruce Block is a giant candy-ass whose peptic ulcer will not allow him to be kicked off the show in front of a live studio audience. Apparently he was too ill to be in attendance, but they do have a large photo of him looking beatific and pasty that they show for about thirty seconds, which is a long time during live television. I actually thought my DVR had frozen. Jerry reveals that Bruce Block was voted off anyway, but they wish him well. Candyass. First strutting forward for judgment are the Texas State Strutters versus Jonathan Burkin. Oh this is just ludicrous. Obviously, Jonathan is in the Top 20. You know Baton Boy is going to the top. The Strutters are not. Next are Shequida and Sarah Lenore. One is safe, the other is going to have a lot of free time to reattach sequins to her undergarments. Sarah Lenore is moving on. Sorry Shequida, but that I Will Survive is too clichéd even for this show. And your high-pitched squeaking made my Chihuahua cry. Two Top 20 places left. Jerry calls the remaining acts forward. It's Michael Strelo Smith versus the Taubl Family versus SickStep. America chose the Taubl Family for the Top 20. That means the judges must choose between The Music Teacher and SickStep. When Jerry asks, The Music Teacher spews some more of his self-help malarkey about moving on and being strong. SickStep is more succinct and basically say, "We tried." Piers thinks The Music Teacher isn't half as good as he thinks he is, and a little humility goes a long way in show business. He votes for SickStep. Sharon mulls it over. She thinks The Music Teacher tried really hard, but she is voting for SickStep, too. They bust a move as they move into the Top 20 contenders in the competition.