Next up is an ex-Chippendales dancer who auctioned off his sleeves for charity. That's right, it's Bryan Cheatham. He has been a Chippendale dancer for seven years, but his parents didn't approve and never came to see him perform. How awkward would it be to see your son perform as a Chippendales dancer? And why would you want your parents to come, anyway? Bryan comes out onto a balcony overlooking the stage and croons what I think is a Barry White song. He is wearing a black satin jacket emblazoned with "Rock Star" and a very low cut v-neck shirt with shiny gold trim. He gets buzzed by Piers. He doesn't miss a beat and rocks out the rest of the song -- and by "rocks out," I mean finishes with a fist pump and burst of fireworks from the front of the stage. Piers tells him that he was better than he used to be, but he's not going to be headlining in Vegas any time soon. More likely a cruise ship. Bryan looks chagrined. The Hoff can't help himself and blurts, "I love cruises!" Sharon shushes him, because it's her turn to talk. She tells Bryan to cut the cheese. No really, she does. After a quick IM with my British friend, I am informed that "cut the cheese" does not mean "fart freely," but rather, "quit acting like a Wayne Newton wannabe." She tells him to stop winking, stop acting fake sexy, and sing with his soul. If he could do that, he might be good, but currently he is way too cheesy. The Hoff wants Bryan to pull up a couch and discuss his hurt feelings about his parents' failure to come see him perform at Chippendales. He then tells Bryan that he was weak and corny at the beginning, but pulled it together at the end. Bryan feels free to fart freely as he motors offstage to cry.