Next to face the axe are... Whoa. Neal E. Boyd is going up against Queen Emily. Everyone looks shocked. Sharon is gasping for air like a strangled marmoset. The Hoff is out of his chair tugging at his hair in horror. Neal E. Boyd is taking it in nervous stride, but Queen Emily looks like she is going to pass out or barf or both simultaneously. Kind of like Janis Joplin. As Jerry drags the shocking face-off out as long as possible before announcing that they both are moving forward. Shocker! The audience shrieks in relief and joy. The Hoff mouths, "That's terrible!" Queen Emily and Neal E. Boyd shuffle off stage left to the Winner's Circle.
Now it's time for The James Gang and Extreme Dance FX to learn their fates. The mere act of shuffling on stage causes half of Extreme Dance FX to break into chest-heaving sobs. The James Gang looks nervous. The spokesmodel of the dance group and one of the nice guys from The James Gang hold hands. Jerry announces that they are both going home. They all look sad, but it had to happen in order to create fake drama for Neal E. Boyd and Queen Emily. Oh please, you only tuned in for the drama, and they had to give you something. Jerry promised shocking results! They had to deliver.
Next up are The Cadence and Paul Salos (our Fake Frank). Fake Frank wins! Which is not at all surprising! But if I say it with enough exclamation points, it might seem so! The Cadence boys, being all Southern and well-mannered, go to shake hands with Fake Frank, but Fake Frank Sinatra has let his fake fame go to his head and totally walks off the stage waving at his fans. To his credit, he realizes his diss halfway off the stage and turns to wave at the boys, who are like, "Whatever, gramps -- I have to go fix my hair."