Jerry calls up the next batch of contestants: Joseph Hall (Fake Elvis) versus Queen Emily. Do I even have to tell you? Let's just say there is no shock or drama here. Queen Emily whoops in pretend stunned amazement. Joseph stands with an Elvis sneer, hip jutting out, hands on his waist and looking a bit sad as Jerry introduces his clip. He makes a few Elvis-ish moves as he waves at his fans. I feel the need to point out that every single competitor is wearing exactly the same thing they were wearing "last night." So either they recorded the entire show last night, made the contestants sit around for two hours while America voted, and then hauled them back on stage for this "live" farce or they told the acts to wear exactly the same thing two nights in a row. Either way it is odd.
Next on Jerry's Stage of Destiny is not another elimination, but a random performance by Natasha Bedingfield. Her crack PR team has decided that tonight -- Live! On stage! -- is the perfect time to introduce her new single, "Angel." I'm totally fast-forwarding. Ooh, hold that button-pressing to give a standing ovation to the overworked smoke machine that once again has flooded the stage with waves of smoke. Nice work, Smokey! Natasha gets the entire audience to raise the roof while she sings about being your angel. I am having a really hard time imagining that this is her target audience. Maybe NBC owns her. Whatever. How else would they fill an entire half hour with just five eliminations?
Jerry calls the next two contenders on to the Stage of Destiny. He is pitting Neal E. Boyd against Kaitlyn. I wonder if America is willing to keep pushing Kaitlyn through because she is so darn squeezable or whether they are finally ready to put her to bed. Literally. On the other hand, Neal E. Boyd and his sobs may be grating on America. I think it's a toss up. Jerry calls out Neal E. Boyd! The camera barely rests on his face. Instead it turns to little Kaitlyn who is bearing up well. Little Kaitlyn marches over to give Neal E. Boyd a big hug. He is so large in comparison to her and he has to bend over so far to hug her that I can't help but hope that he doesn't tip over and squash her like a bug. Kaitlyn is very poised and brave and calm while she and Jerry watch her clips. The audience cheers very loudly. The judges clap. Well, two of the judges clap. Piers sits there with his arms crossed looking grim. Maybe he prefers Kaitlyn to Neal E. Boyd. Maybe he prefers kittens to teddy bears. Who knows what goes through that man's head. What could make it through his defensive line of hairspray? Oh, come on. Haven't you noticed that his hair doesn't move? Pay attention!