Live from Los Angeles (with portions pre-recorded) it's America's Got Talent! As you are well aware, our Final Five are performing tonight. Who are the finalists? Who cares? We're being preempted by President George Bush speaking about the multi billion-dollar bail-out. George is wearing a serious black suit, serious red tie, serious crisp white shirt, and very serious flag pin. He is staring straight at the camera, out of the television, and into my soul. It's a little freaky. And the words he's reading so gracefully off the teleprompter are not helping ease my mind. In closing, however, Democratic capitalism is the best system ever devised. Wow. Suck that Russia! As the President ends his speech, Brian Williams comes on to remind us that this is the worst financial disaster in more than an entire generation. But, on the brighter side... Live from Los Angeles (with portions pre-recorded) it's America's Got Talent!
Did they hold the start of the show for the President's Address? Darn it, they did. Jerry explains it all: The President spoke, so the show will be shorter. I'll type fast. Five acts, one winner, we decide. Jerry rapidly introduces a fast-forwarded montage of what winning would mean to the Final Five. Queen Emily is so excited. Donald Braswell is so close. Nuttin' But Stringz have come from playing in the subways to possibly playing Vegas. Eli Mattson was lost, but now he's found (and so was his hat). Neal E. Boyd came from nothing, and now he's here! So much emotion! But enough of this emotion, we have some acts to watch!
Up first are Nuttin' But Stringz. They are determined to win. In order to secure said win, they are playing the first song they ever wrote. The brothers are on staircases on opposite sides of the stage. One is wearing a white shirt and white blazer. The other is wearing a black shirt and black blazer. They play their songs. It is dramatic and haunting. They come to the main stage and several black-clad acrobats with umbrellas drop from the ceiling. It is dramatic! Not even snarky! It really is! The boys bust out in their trademark shouts, calling the audience to attention. The acrobats rise up on the stage again. The brothers shout, play, and stop the music. The audience goes nuts. Standing ovation. Piers hopes that the President is watching the show, because he knows that there is a lot wrong with this country right now, but when there are two guys who can rise up from the streets (via Julliard) and come compete here, there is a lot that is great about this country. Piers continues: He thinks that the winner of this show should be unique, and unless one of the singers does something amazing, he thinks he's looking at the winners of America's Got Talent. Obviously, the boys are very excited by this pronouncement. Sharon shouts over the screaming crowd. She wants to know how many songs they've written, and they say a lot, and then she says everything Piers said but double. I'm not editing, that's what she said. Does she get paid for this judging thing? What was that? Maybe The Hoff has something better to say. Hoff? "Nuttin' But Vegas!!!!!!!!!!!" That's it? That's all you have to say? ...Sigh. The boys run off stage and Jerry brings them back and then takes it to commercials. Gotta love live television!