America's Got Talent
Season 3 Episode 3

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Don't You Take My Achy Breaky Busty Hearts

Now for some more wholesome entertainment are the Southern Belles clogging group. They clog. I don't know what the difference is between cloggers and tap dancers. The girls are hale, hearty, wholesome, and oh so happy. They are also clean and undoubtedly Christians. They don't take their shirts off or anything. The judges lurve them. Sharon and David give them a standing ovation. They are going to Vegas. I want Busty Hart! Stupid squeaky clean cloggers.

Next? Dan Meyer, a sword swallower who promises to try and kill himself on stage. Before he even starts The Hoff has his eyes closed and is balled up in his seat squealing like Little Miss Muffett. Dan swallows swords, the judges squirm, the audience squirms, The Hoff uncurls long enough to hit the buzzer (practically killing the guy). Then it is Dan's turn to squirm as the The Hoff tells him that his act is too uncomfortable and couldn't win the competition. Sharon and Piers disagree and Dan is off to Vegas. Dan tells Jerry that he almost pierced his stomach when The Hoff buzzed him. Nice try, Hasselhoff.

You know what there haven't been enough of on this show? Precious children facing and overcoming overwhelming challenges. Luckily, David Militello, an autistic nine year old is here to fill that void. He is adorably off-key, charmingly flat, and resoundingly sharp, but, damn!, he is cute. The audience is on their feet. The judges coo and purr. His parents cry in the wings. David is off to Vegas and I am off too bed. Ooh next week we get to see the bendy guy from Ocean's Eleven and a man who can cry on cue. Fancy!

To talk about the freaky acts, head on over to our forums.

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America's Got Talent

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