America's Got Talent
Season 3 Episode 6

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Putting the AGT! in Audition

Next up is a semi-sob story named Damien Lewis who at the tender age of 25 is married with a baby son. He brought both his wife and kid to the auditions and spoke truth to power about how hard it is to put food on the table. As he is only 25 I don't know why he isn't trying out for American Idol. Maybe the line is too long? As he walks onto stage, Sharon grills him on whether he can win. He can. He sings under the moniker XL and he sings well enough to get voted through. Piers claims that he preferred XL's version of the song to John Legend's. Sharon asks him to remove his hat. It will definitely be easier to put food on the table in Vegas what with all the one-dollar buffets and all you can eat seafood smorgasbords.

Apparently New York's final chance to impress the judges was mediocre at best because the judges are already decamping to Los Angeles. As we watch establishing shots to prove that we really and truly are filming in Los Angeles, Jerry's voice tells us that this is the last stop on the judges' cross-country tour. Could it be? Could this really and truly be the last week of auditions? Really? I won't believe it until I see the establishing shots of Las Vegas. Jerry takes us on a guided tour of the Los Angeles talent that has already been voted through to Vegas including that one guy with the hat, that other guy with the hat, the girl with the guitar, and the girl with the metal grinder.

Up first in this second go round of Los Angeles auditions are the Texas State Strutters, a "precision dance troupe" from deep in the heart of Texas, needless to say. They are wearing the darndest outfits of white cowboy hats, white cowboy boots, white skirts, white bolero jackets, white teeth, and neckerchiefs. They lock arms and strut their collective stuff. They do synchronized splits, kicks, and spins. No one buzzes. They do some more splits. No one buzzes. They do more splits and finish. No buzzes. The Hoff thought it was going to be boring (despite the short skirts), but ended up loving them. Piers thought it was a bit lax. Sharon thought the act was like The Rockettes doing a Western and she votes no. The Hoff votes yes. Piers is mesmerized by the sea of white and inexplicably votes yes. So they are going to Vegas even though there is no way they will win because they are ersatz cheerleaders and there are way better acts. Seriously if they had auditioned in Dallas they never would have made it to Vegas.

For example, one better act is Shakes a ten-year old hip-hop dancer who brings the audience to their feet. The Awakening dance troupe is also better. Georgia Force Cheerleaders are also better, their outfits skimpier, their rumps shakier, and their hair bigger. They can all battle it out in Vegas. Bringing an abrupt end to this streak of successful, polished, professional dance acts is Ronny B, a 31-year old store assistant who does such a brilliantly bad Lionel Richie singing and dance routine that not one judge can buzz until the very end when The Hoff manages to get one finger on his buzzer. The audience is cheering wildly while Ronny B gyrates, squirms, semi-strips, skips, writhes, runs his fingers through his hair, and throws himself at the backdrop. While the judges' mouths drop, the audience is on their feet screaming. When he mercifully stops, Sharon has to know where he usually performs. Ronny B explains that he normally performs at bus stops. I really need to start riding the bus. The Hoff says it is the worst act he ever saw and sound bites that "This is a talent show, not a freak show." Piers would like to buzz him back to the bus stop, but finds him weirdly entertaining. Sharon states that he is a weird little man who looks like a shrunken Marc Anthony. The Hoff won't have anything to do with it and votes a resounding no. Sharon votes yes. Piers wants to know how much Ronny B wants to go to Vegas. Ronny B really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wants to go. Piers has apparently had his head amputated and replaced with a marshmallow because he tells Ronny B that this show is all about making dreams come true and Ronny B is off to Vegas.

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America's Got Talent

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