Next to grace the stage is a motivational speaker named Eloy Rendon who is performing spoken word, poetry-slam style. He is rapidly buzzed off by all three judges. It wasn't that he was bad per se, but it was entirely wrong for the show. The Hoff and his vest agree with my assessment and Mr. Rendon heads back to Texas to motivate some cattle or oil or Stetsons or something. Del Hampton is a 42-year old factory worker who demonstrates why adults should never venture onto MySpace. He is yet another animal sound emulator who has focused all his talents on one animal: The Chicken. He clucks around on the stage, bobs his head, flaps his little flightless wings, and even has an egg before Piers asks him to "Cluck off." Then David Deeble plans to set off fireworks in his pants, but the judges buzz him off before he has a chance to send even one little cherry bomb down his drawers. I don't know about you, but I would totally spend money on that act. That may be overstating it, so let me rephrase: I'd be more likely to spend money on that than to see those cheerleading dance strippers they've sent through. No one would pay to see that when you can go to Hooters and see it for the cost a beer and a bucket of wings. And really, judges -- you'll let a woman buzzgrind her private bits, let a man kiss a cobra, let another swallow swords, and you, Hasselhoff, will go tap dance on a naked man's chest on top of a bed of nails, but you won't let me see one measly M-80 set off in a pair of chinos? Killjoys.
In our continuing Turn for the Worse, Suzy Trunquist does her best Amanda Overmyer impression. Then a random man makes random facial expressions for awhile. I'm not sure what's going on, but Sharon has turned away as if in disgust, and Piers and Hoff buzz quickly. I watch it twice, but as far as I can tell he was just moving his face around a lot. I really don't know what that was about. Then Randy Hanson, yet another Ozzy Osbourne impersonator, shows up. Piers and Hasselhoff nominate Sharon to lead the judging. She looks really confused and keeps staring at him. He starts singing and quickly got the crowd to their feet. The Hoff throws his feet up on the table and laughs. At the end of the performance, Piers votes him through and Sharon asks him to drop his drawers so she can check if he is really her husband or not. I'm sure that there are many strange ramifications of celebrity, but it must be really weird to have people dress up exactly like your husband, adopt his mannerisms and mode of speaking, and perform as your husband. It must be especially disconcerting when someone does it as well as Mr. Hanson. Sharon still looks befuddled by the lookalike, says he is really good, and votes him through to Vegas. So long, Turn for the Worse! Please please please let the good acts start now.