America's Got Talent

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Lordy, Lordy, It’s The Top 40.

Tonight the Top 40 will be decided. Forty acts for America to vote on. But before we get to see our top contenders, we have to be reintroduced to our judges and their signature styles in kicking people off this show. What would be the best way to do that? Why a montage of course! So we are treated to a montage of the judges kicking people off the show in their signature style (yawning, mean, and creepy). In order to decide who will be moving on in the competition, the judges are back in their conference room mulling over headshots. Sharon mysteriously announces that they are all great! No, Sharon, they are not. Over yet another montage of the many acts we have seen, the judges discuss who they like, who they don't like, who Sharon is emotionally involved with, who The Hoff has taken a shine to, and who Piers is too sentimental to let go.

And then it is Judgment Day. Up first is Fake Elvis. As we remember, he did well during the first audition, but his second was "underwhelming," according to Sharon. She then tells him to get some voice lessons and that she is unsure whether he can build an entire career out of being Fake Elvis. Despite all that they put him through to the Los Angeles live show. He is suitably overjoyed.

Next on the chopping block is R&B Singer Number 1, Bryan, the man without sleeves who used to be a Chippendale dancer. (How did I miss that delicious tidbit?) Piers thinks he is a diamond just waiting to be polished, which sounds dirty. Bryan grabs his package and shrieks in joy. Really. He did. Maybe that is the only way he can shriek in joy. Maybe he can use his million dollars to buy some sleeves. Unfortunately there is only one slot for an R&B singer in this competition, so Kyle, R&B Singer Number 2, is sent home. Cue the sad music. The judges appear to be under strict instructions to drag out each and every elimination to a full half hour.

Managing to stay awake during the dramatic pauses are brother fiddling act Nuttin' But Stringz. They are through as well. As is George the Giant, a.k.a. The Milk Snorter. The Russian Bar Trio, The James Gang, a child-band act that I didn't recognize (The Wrights?) -- whoever they are they aren't on Hulu. Each and every act had to put up with the judges' ridiculous dramatics, "I'm sorry to say... you will just have to go through to the semifinals!" Enough already! Why torture us? Why torture them? Sadists.

Next to go through is Fake Tina Turner. Then the Taubl Family. Which would make a very odd double bill, even in Vegas. Some Fake Robert Deniro we haven't seen much of is put through. Some cute little kids who can't wait to tell their mom and dad that they are going to Los Angeles are next. Eli Mattson is also through. He claims that this is his heart and soul, which sounds sticky. Ronny B a.k.a. William Hung the Dancer is also through to the semi-finals, undoubtedly more as an oddity as opposed to a talent. Of course some of the most creative geniuses are oddities. Maybe he'll get a MacArthur Grant out of this.

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America's Got Talent




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