The magician who looks like David Copperfield is also going through. Actually, maybe it is David Copperfield. He has been out of the news for a quite a while and probably suffering from David Blaine's success and his divorce from Claudia Schiffer. This could be his big comeback!
Flambeaux is going to Hollywood as well. I can't wait until we can actually see his act. Alex Pyles, the little girl who beats up her dad, is also through. Personally, I cannot imagine how that act has answered the judges' perennial question, "Would you pay to watch that for ninety minutes?" I mean, would you? Following Alex to Hollywood is the six-foot something transsexual/transvestite (I haven't personally investigated the subject) opera singer, Shequida. Which is good. I think America needs her in their living rooms. The drumming notStomp! boys, Cadence, from Ole Miss or whatever are also into the semi finals. The blonde singer who is not the Saddest Girl in the World is joining them. I will learn her name soon, I swear! Also through is the guy who lied down on a bed of nails while Hoff tap-danced on his chest. They really had no choice, though, because of the lawsuit. The sassy dancing trombone player gives a toot of good cheer when he is put through.
Heading to the judgment panel is single mom Queen Emily. She is down on her knees and crying before five words are out of The Hoff's mouth. The Hoff tells her that they can't put her through on emotion. But they can put her through on talent! He regrets to inform her that she is... going through. She collapses on the stage, starts wailing, realizes she is through, lets out a whoop, and cries some more. The Hoff comes to give her a hug, potentially feeling bad for the mind fuck he just inflicted on her. Anything in the name of good television! He tells her she deserves it. Don't blame the victim, ass! As Queen Emily leaves the stage, I think she's happy. Maybe.
Writing about this result show is hard! How do you make a list interesting? I should have just cut-and-pasted the list of winners that a helpful viewer posted in the forums. Back to the grind: the Baton Twirler is through. Hopefully they will show more of his act. And maybe he will cheer up the Saddest Girl in the World or they can cry together on the corner of Hollywood and Vine. Call me a cynic, but I bet that if she wins the million bucks her daddy will come a-knockin'. Sharon asks her how she thinks she did in comparison to her competition. She thinks she did well. They draw it out. Sharon shakes her head no and says yes. Really, is that necessary? I don't need all these tears on my TV. If I did I would watch Emergency Vets or Living Lohan. Saddest Girl in the World even made The Hoff cry. She's never done anything like this before. (Win, not make The Hoff cry.) She almost smiles. Almost. Backstage, Jerry gives her a hug, hands her his card, and says to call whenever she wants to come on his show and talk about her daddy issues.