America's Got Talent
Season 3 Episode 10

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Yay, Zooperstars! Yay! This is the only act I will call people into the room to watch. The pre-performance interview is hilarious because it is entirely in costume. They show the balloons looking thoughtful on a bridge, hanging out in a bar, kicking it on the corner. They also show Piers explaining why he hates them so much. Everyone thinks it's because he is British. He thinks it is because they are balloons who jump up and down. It's because you're British, Piers. The Zooperstars! scooter onto stage to "Macho Man," which is normally unforgivable, but they make it work. The turtle whips off his shirt. The duck is catapulted offstage. The snail eats a stagehand. At the end of the act the audience is so rowdy that nothing Piers can do or say can get the audience to quiet down. It takes a lot of talking and shouting to get his comments out. He doesn't get it. Maybe because he's British. The Duck shakes his tail at Piers and The Hoff just about busts a gut. Sharon can't believe she is giving comments to a duck and whatever else. She thinks they are hilarious, but doubts whether they could sustain a full hour and a half act in Vegas. The Snail tells her he is glad that America is voting and not the British. The Hoff is so proud to American right now. He is so glad that this is America's Got Talent. He loves these guys and will use any jingoistic nonsense out there to prove it. Jerry jumps on stage, pumps his fists in the air and shouts, "This is America!" Oh my god. This is America. We are this retardedly lowbrow. It is a hard truth, but, holy hockey these guys are hee-lar-ious. They shuffle off stage and the camera stays with them because they are funny. Watching them walk is funny. It's all funny. God Bless America. Really. Screw Paul Potts 2.0 and vote American! Gimme a beer, dammit.

We return from commercial and Jerry points out that Ozzy Osbourne is in the audience. Nice of him to support his wife's work I guess. Next to perform are The Wright Kids. I don't think we've seen them yet aside from a moment during the Top 40 selection. It is three kids, a girl and two boys. They sing "Daydream Believer." The lead singer, with his plus-sized guitar, is probably eight years old, but looks like a clean-living 40-year-old. The girl, with a ukulele, looks like a young Mama Cass. That is not really a good thing. The other little boy plays an upright bass that is about two feet taller than him. He has no front teeth. They are commendable performers. Plucky and clean. Apparently they usually play bluegrass, which I would have loved to see. That little kid with the upright bass is so cute I want to eat him. Piers loves them. He doesn't think they are the best singers on the show, but they make up for it in adorability. Sharon loves them, too, and thinks they took a risk performing a pop song, but it paid off. The Hoff thought it was like watching The Partridge Family again, which sort of brings up nasty specters of all those kids turning into Danny Bonaduce when they grow up. The horror! Hasselhoff then says that the kids show great values, which just about makes me hate them. Except they are too cute. And I want to see them do bluegrass.

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America's Got Talent

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