Up next is Jonathan Arons our resident mad trombonist. His pre-performance intro reveals a dark secret: He was a serious dork during junior high. He bursts onto the stage in a blue glitter jacket and satin pants. He is accompanied in his Earth, Wind & Fire medley by a bunch of clumsy horn players in school band uniforms. Seriously, one wipes out mid-performance. They toot, they toodle, they dance in unison with their instruments. They are totally out of tune. Can trombones be tuned? I know nothing about the brass instruments. His performance is a bit wobbly at the beginning, but comes together at the end. Laughing as he talks, Piers thinks Jonathan is one sandwich short of a picnic, but really entertaining. Sharon loves him and thinks he's fabulous even though he was totally out of tune. The Hoff thinks it was the worst trombone playing tonight, but was the most entertaining performance yet. I'm a bit befuddled by the judges' enthusiasm for this guy. I guess he's original and entertaining, but I feel that there were more entertaining acts who didn't make it. I don't know. Is it just me? Go to the forums and tell me what you think of this guy. Am I just missing something? Or is this guy missing something?
Ooh Daniel Jens (Soldier Boy) is up next. Can't wait to see if he got some civilian clothes or whether he will be cashing in on America's patriotism and wearing his fatigues. Again. I love clothing choices that conceal a vague threat that if you don't vote for me you'll be considered a traitor and unpatriotic. Let's see... oh, he's wearing his Perry Ellis finest. He performs The Police's "Every Breath You Take," my second favorite slightly creepy stalker anthem (first being Elvis Costello's "I Want You") Seriously girls, if some guy puts either song on a mix for you, watch out. Soldier Boy is okay tonight. He remembers the words, his voice is all right, and he can carry a tune, but I really like the original version of this song and it is a hard standard to measure up against. Piers is not convinced. He doesn't think he is up to the high standards of Vegas. To which I say: Celine Dion. Whatever. Sharon liked him, but noticed he was out of breath halfway through his performance. She tells him to watch it. The Hoff loved him. He thought he was great and American and talented. Spc. Jens walks off stage and blows a kiss to his wife. After that lackluster performance I bet he wishes he was wearing his uniform. I'm sure his battalion will all be logging on from Basra to vote for him anyway. Semper Fi, vote or die!