America's Next Top Model

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Clay Acting

When we return, Allison tells us that each of the lines on the script has a word above it, like "aggression" or "shocked" or "crazed." These are the emotions in a day of Tyra. Paulina reveals to the girls that there is a special guest with whom they're going to share the stage for this challenge. It is someone who has sold billions of records. Hmm, okay. Somebody who is in a Tony-award-winning play on Broadway called Spamalot. Wait, you mean... no, that can't be right. Someone who is a close personal friend of Tyra's. Okay, just weird enough to be true, and you know they all have tea parties with Bubbles the chimp. Seriously you guys, it's CLAY TO THE MOTHERFUCKING AIKEN! I think my brain just exploded. And Clay Aiken fed off of my brain bits, because that's how he gets his power. If there were ever a way for a diva to come out, this is it. The girls all squeal and stuff, and Fo tells us that Clay is pretty much a genius. A genius at making peoples' brains explode so he can eat them, just like he did with that poor mentally challenged guy on the Idol finale a few years ago. Which, because there's never a bad time to relive that: you're welcome. And dude, my brain just exploded AGAIN! And now I have just spent 45 minutes watching Clay Aiken videos on YouTube. And this made me believe in love again.

Okay, where am I? Wait, Aiken is still here!?!? This was not a lite-rock induced hallucination! Okay, so London is first up. She acts snooty as the has-been model, but I can't tear my eyes from Aiken spitting the line, "Honey, you haven't worked since Marc Jacobs designed for Perry Ellis." OMG, he just said the word "sashay!" I am really so happy for him that he came out. I worried that he would be repressed his whole life and just, like, turn into a raisin or Neil Sedaka or something. As RuPaul says, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love anybody else?" Anyway, whatever, London was fine. Aminat tries to out-bitch the mother of the House of Aiken de la Clay, but cannot, duh. Natalie does her scene, and Clay tells us that he got the impression that she had a bit of an attitude. Paulina is impressed at Clay's ability to read people. Clay instructs Allison to walk in her scene, tangos with Fo when he asks her to open his show, and agrees with everyone on earth that Tahlia sucks. As you might expect, Celia actually makes an attempt at out-queening Gayken. It can't be done! But he appreciates her flair.

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America's Next Top Model

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