America's Next Top Model

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The Year of the Bloody Eyeball

Laura and Nicole return to learn their fates. Without much speechifying, Tyra announces that the winner is... Nicole! Nicole runs up to hug Tyra as Laura cries into her own hand. Oh, boy, does that make me sad. I mean, Nicole is clearly the rightful winner, but I fear that Laura will live out her days wandering barefoot on a dirt road somewhere, sweeping at rocks with a broom made of corncobs and mumbling incoherently. Tyra hugs Laura and tells her that she should be so proud, because the girl who walked in there was not a model. But Laura's a model now. She did a great job and made Tyra proud and is beautiful outside and in and blah blah cold comfort. Tyra tells Laura to go out there and continue to do the beautiful thing that Laura does. She does not specify if said "beautiful thing" is modeling. A sobbing and disheveled Laura (seriously, I think she started to pull her own hair out) says that her entire family is going to be so proud of her. They won't even care that she's not America's Next Top Model. Does anyone else have the urge to start singing "Coat of Many Colors" right now?

With inconsolable Laura out of the room, Tyra tells Nicole that she's a star and has "it." And she works for it. This makes Nicole special. And she gets to do a photo shoot with Tyra. Nicole tells us that this journey was incredibly hard. She had to learn to embarrass herself, and to speak. Sometimes she didn't think she'd survive it. She cried during casting week and didn't think she could deal with this. She never thought a dorky girl would win. But she is, and she did! Nicole entered into this competition as a shy, awkward redhead, but has evolved into a beautiful and charismatic girl. She's so confident in her ability to model, and has made her awkwardness a strength, creating her own signature style of posing. Tyra voice-over congratulates her, and tells her to represent for the shorties everywhere.

And with that, the season has come to a close. Except for the clip show, bitches! Be on the lookout.

Potes is too tall to be America's First Next Petite Top Model. You can sympathize by writing to her at potesypotes@gmail.com.

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America's Next Top Model

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