America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: A- | 950 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Suckitude

The girls sit in the audience as the UCB crew comes running out. Actor/comedian J.B. Smoove addresses everyone and gives himself a plug. He introduces a game called emotional scenes, in which the UCB actors throw out an action, and the audience members throw out an emotion. The emotion is then attached to the action, and the actor improvs a silent melding of the two. One of the actors demonstrates "changing a baby's diaper" angrily. He licks his fingers and then shows his fat belly, which is what makes it funny. That's a guy who knows how to think with the quickness. The crowd goes wild. This might be the time to reveal that once upon a time I co-wrote a musical about Monica Lewinsky (yes, you read that right), which graced this very stage. Featuring Frenchie Davis as Betty Currie. I'm just saying.

J.B. Smoove asks for "volunteers" from the audience. Brenda, who has shown herself to be pretty humorless heretofore, is first. She must change a tractor tire with shock. J.B. and Miss J. are not getting "shock." It would be so fantastic if someone thought with the quickness and Tasered them as they were saying this. Alasia must scuba dive delightedly. Good thing she appears to be wearing her silver lamé bathing suit underneath her sweater! Alasia gets some points for energy, but the execution is lacking. Miss J. helpfully points out that black people don't scuba dive. Simone must be depressed as she's riding a horse. She tells us that in academia you know exactly what to expect (namely, a lot of bullshit and keg stands), but she's now outside of her comfort zone. J.B. thinks she's more sad than depressed. Simone explains that she fell at the end of her improv and was too depressed to get back on the horse! That is subtle genius. Whatever, I love Simone, even if she is kind of a terrible model. Anslee must be paranoid as she's washing a Ferrari. She scrubs tentatively, and gets nary a laugh in her long-ass improv. Angelea tells us she was a hot mess. Wait, how did we miss Angelea's doubtlessly brilliant improv? J.B. lies that the girls have done a tremendous job, and we're out.

The girls finally make it home, and see Alasia's best-of-week photo. Anslee tells us that Alasia doesn't deserve to be there, because she's not enough in control of her emotions. We flash back to Alasia screaming in Ren's greasy face to prove this point. People apparently defend Alasia by saying that she's young, but Anslee doesn't buy it. She says she didn't act that way at 18 years old. Well, she acts that way now, as we will soon see. Delayed gratification, maybe? Anslee found out that she was pregnant at 19, and tell us that words can't describe how fast she had to grow up. This is a lesson to us all that we should think with the quickness and whip out the condoms during baby-making times!

America's Next Top Model

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