America's Next Top Model

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My Heart Belongs to Fatty

Photo-wise, Whitney has incredible bone structure, the camera loves her and as a plus-sized model she can represent. That's all Nigel's opinion, by the way. Aesthetically, says Miss J., Whitney is a beautiful, juicy girl. But sometimes she gets stuck on pretty. Paulina thinks that her aggressive personality came through in the grunge photo, and she liked it. Paulina would totally buy Whitney's angsty holiday album, entitled, "Confessions of a Christmas Ham." Whitney's beauty shot, according to Paulina, is actually really ugly. Tyra, who is beginning to realize that she has another Janice on her hands, says that Whitney's beauty shot reminds her of Paulina's era. Paulina says, "We look bad, but not that bad." Tyra smiles stiffly. Paulina really likes Whitney's Cover Girl shot, which she thinks incorporates the judges' feedback.

Anya looked great from the first photo on. She has amazing angles, and was an educated model straight off the bat. Miss J. thinks that Anya looks great in her pictures, even though her nose is a bit busted if you catch her at the right angle. This is true, but Paulina thinks that the slightly busted nose is what keeps her interesting. Paulina is gunning for Anya all the way. Miss J. wishes that Anya could bring the same energy that she has in pictures onto the runway. Nigel says that Anya and Whitney represent two different kinds of women. Nigel thinks that Anya takes the prettier pictures, but Miss J. disagrees. Anya takes the more fashionable pictures, but Whitney's pictures are prettier. Paulina agrees with Miss J., and says that Whitney is the one a man would want to have in his bedroom, but Anya is the one you would buy the dress from. Unless you were a fatty fatty two by four. Then you'd buy the dress from Whitney.

Tyra points out that both girls were legendary. Whitney really had "it," while Anya was instantly one of the most high-fashion girls who has ever been cast on the show. Her beauty isn't cookie-cutter. Both girls represent strengths that America's Next Top Model has never had. Tyra asks, "So who's America's Next Top Model?" Paulina's all, "Girl, you know what I'd tell you if I really got a vote. I cannot be held responsible for what will ensue."

Whitney and Anya return. Tyra tells them that they walked in as sweet young girls. They could not be further apart geographically, with Anya being from Hawaii and Whitney being from Florida, she says. Well, technically, I actually think they could. But no matter. Now they're neck and neck. "Who would have thought that little baby Anya and little girl Whitney could possibly be America's Next Top Model?" Tyra asks without any enthusiasm whatsoever in her voice, "So who is it?" She's all, "I have a 7:30 reservation at Giuseppe's Pasta Emporium, let's move this along." And thus, America's Next Top Model is...Whitney! Oh, as if you're surprised. Whitney screams and runs to Tyra for an embrace. Tyra tries to hug her convincingly while at the same time looking mildly repulsed. Must be the ham smell. Anya tells us that she's going to go home and cry, but she's proud of herself. She may not be America's Next Top Model, but she has her whole career ahead of her. And what an amazing National Wolf-Child Association spokesperson she will make.

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America's Next Top Model

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