America's Next Top Model

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My Heart Belongs to Fatty

When we return, Fatima is up first to shoot her commercial. She's excited, and says she knows she's going to do well. Jay tells her to be conversational and realistic, and to try to recover gracefully and keep going if she stumbles. Fatima looks gorgeous, however, she has problems right out of the gate pronouncing, "Arrivederci!" She keeps going, and Jay mumbles that she's just plowing through her lines. In all fairness, if you had to say the words "blast" and "lash" and things that were either alliterative to or rhymed with "blast" and "lash" for 45 seconds, you'd plow too. When she finishes Jay says that he's impressed that she memorized it so well, and now the whole thing just has to make sense. It's always the comprehension skills that trip these girls up. Jay complains again to us that Fatima just kept running her lines together. Those lines include the following: "The monumental Lash Blast brush. It's Cover Girl's biggest, boldest brush." I'm just saying. Jay thinks that she sounded robotic, and the fact that she looked so perfect while doing so gave the impression that she was one big Katie Holmes-like android. He tries again to get her to be more natural, but finally just kind of gives up.

Next we have Whitney. She says that if you don't do well today, you can basically forget about making it. She wants this, and is so close that she can taste it like a delicious salt and vinegar chip. She's there to do a great job and be the next Cover Girl, she says. Whitney does her first take and Jay inexplicably yells out that it was really good. No one mentions her super-annoying voice or the fact that she's as weird and fake as ever. Make of it what you will.

Finally, there's Anya of the recent miniature nervous breakdown. She tells us that she had the words memorized perfectly, but was so nervous. Brent tells her she looks gorgeous, Jay yells, "Take one," and Anya begins: "Arrivadolce, bland boring lashes." They might be there a while, huh? Anya stumbles, but keeps a smile on her face the whole time. Jay says that Anya's wonderful energy and innocence really saves her performance. You relate to her. But, thankfully, are not related TO her. There's some DNA that you want to keep external, you know? Anya of course sounds a mess. But she looks pretty, and the wind catches her hair at the end of one of her takes and Jay almost has to retire on his fainting couch, he's so excited about this Cover Girl moment.

With the commercials out of the way, the girls head to a studio to get their photographs taken by Jim De Yonker. Brent Poer stands on the sidelines representing the Lollipop Guild. Jim photographs Whitney first, and she reminds us that the photograph of the winner is going to be in Times Square, so today is not the day to mess up. Fatima is next and tells us that she has what it takes to be a Cover Girl -- out of the three remaining finalists, she's much more relatable. Gorgeous, absolutely. Relatable, I'm not so sure. But really, she looks so flawless that it's hard for me to focus on recapping. Jim tells her that she doesn't have to keep staring at the same pretend-spot in the sky -- she can look other places, too. Fatima of course keeps staring at the same pretend-spot in the sky. Finally, Anya gets her photo taken and reminds us about the importance of relatability. A girl flipping through a magazine should see an ad and say, "Wow, I want to be like her!" And this is where all of our problems begin. Brent notes that Anya models from her toes up. Maybe her brain is actually dispersed through her feet?

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America's Next Top Model

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