America's Next Top Model
Anthony Zuiker

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In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

The episode starts with the words "booty tooch," which can't be a good omen. The tooch that shall not be named is in reference to Allison's tooch-filled, best of week photo displayed as digital art in the house. Allison is excited to feel like she's doing well in the competition again, especially given that she was called eighth the week before. Meanwhile, Angelea does a makeshift tap dance on the floor and literally cries out, "Somebody pay attention to me!" If you've ever wondered what would happen if you boiled this show down to its three-second essence, there you go. Angelea tells us that it was a scary feeling to be in the bottom two last week, and reminds us about how Nigel told her that she needs to work on finding herself. Actually, what he really told her was that she needs to learn how to turn the 716 on and off at opportune times. Like, "Don't be so professional! Except when you should be more professional. No, NOW is when you should be ghetto! Except not so much." Angelea tells us that she came here to take this competition, and make her career brighter. That's what she intends to do. She'll be the brightest star in the banking world! Stick that in your interest rate!

Meanwhile, Lisa opens wine bottles and points out that it's a noteworthy moment for the cameras. In Season Five, of course, Lisa was shown drinking kind of a lot. I mean, probably not more than me on a Tuesday night, but I guess she really did have a problem. We see her talking to the real all-star of her season, "Cousin Itt" the plant. He was her best friend in the house, and they made a team that could not be matched! Lisa owns that she did drink on Top Model, and tells us that ultimately she went to Celebrity Rehab. I'm kind of glad I missed that, because Celebrity Rehab just makes me sad. The three minutes I saw of Janice Dickinson freaking out on a patio with other sad people were enough to tide me over for five lifetimes. A bunch of the girls toast with their chardonnay, but not Lisa! She's choosing not to drink this time around, and says that she needs to remain focused with a firm grip on reality. I sure hope this doesn't foretell an eventual relapse.

And then, it's mail day! I didn't even know these ladies were allowed to get mail! Alexandria apparently got clothes, and also some lemon pepper that she's unreasonably excited about. She probably just eats it by the spoonful. Shannon tells us that getting presents from home is encouraging and uplifting. Or at least it is when you have someone to love you. Cut to Camille who sourly states, "I got a box full of work." That's technically a lie, because I don't think she has a job. Camille tells us that she's thirty-three years old, and at this point in her life she has financial responsibilities that differ from the other girls. Does this mean that she's had time to rack up more debt? Because bills are bills, whether you're twenty-three or thirty-three. Camille says that she's done print modeling and runway, but the business is still slow and doesn't pay what it used to. Also, duh, you're old. I mean, younger than me. And young in the scheme of life! But in model years, she's 457 and a half. Anyway, Camille's box is full of bills. If she has someone close enough to box up her bills and ship them to her, that person could have at least included, like, a pack of gum or something.

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America's Next Top Model

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