America's Next Top Model
Anthony Zuiker

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Express Yourself

Then there's Angelea. She tells us that, going into the competition, she's got the most talent up in this bitch. She sings, she acts, she models, the fans love her, everybody loves her, and she looks good. All self-reported, but true. Jay suggests that throwing a little 716 into the mix may bring out the magic in the scene. Angelea agrees, but her performance is actually pretty straight. But she's good! She nails all the hard words, and seems all business. Anthony tells her that she may possibly win the challenge, because she's that good. Let's let Angelea tell us what she thinks of these kind words: "What what! Angelea got skills." Bre is next, and though she's petrified of forgetting her medical jargon, she nails it. What what! Bre's got skills too!

And the there's Lisa. Jay asks if she's ready to do this, and she says that since she's last, it's been a while since she read the lines, but she's going to do the best she can. To paraphrase Jeffrey Osborne, Lisa did her best, but I guess her best wasn't good enough. Because here she is back where she was before: a challenge loser. And not only a loser, but the worst of the worst! As Lisa swears and worries that she'll be sent home, we cut to commercials. When we return, Lisa tells us that she was forgetting her lines because she had an hour and a half break between reading the script and running the scene. As she curses, Anthony cuts and then tells her to try to be credible and serious. He is not amused by La Puchinetta. Jay tells us that Lisa didn't learn the script, and had no energy. It's not the Lisa that he's used to. Of course, the Lisa that he's used to soils herself in public. I might take the lethargic one with poor memorization skills.

Jay gathers the girls together and says that he and Jay have narrowed things down to the two girls who did the best. One is Bre, who delivered a very credible performance and really owned the scene. The other is Angelea, what what! Jay and Anthony go on about how she brought the 716, which I still don't see at all. But they give themselves credit for letting Angelea be Angelea. And the person who's going to be acting in an episode of CSI is... Bre! She's quite excited to have a job, and says you never know what might happen from there. Angelea is pissed, and Camille is thinking about what she'll have to hawk to keep her lights on.

When the girls get home, there is more Tyra Mail! "When you're a star, you have to EXPRESS yourself! Fierce and Love, Tyra." Shannon goes to high five Dominique, who totally leaves her hanging. Angelea tells us that they all knew this was a photo shoot for Express. She's hoping that they might win some clothes. For their sake, hopefully not from Express. The girls head to an extravagant Beverly Hills manse that will serve as the backdrop for their photo shoot. Jay Manuel is there, reminding them that the winner of the show is going to get a national ad campaign with Express. He introduces Chief Marketing Officer Lisa Gavales, who claims (without supporting evidence) that Express is the sexy and sophisticated brand for men and women. They spend a lot of time and effort in ensuring through their photo shoots that customers understand who their girl is. Isn't the answer to that, "A tramp who wears inappropriate work attire?" Though, in fairness, I probably bought an Express suit when I was 22 and thought it was uber professional and also cool. But it wasn't! I looked dumb! Young women of today, please learn from my mistakes. Go to Marshall's, you'll be better off. Jay says that they'll be telling a story today, and each girl will be playing one of four possible roles: the girlfriend, the flirt, the cool chick and the socialite. What's more, there are three foxy male models who will be in the photos with them.

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America's Next Top Model

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