America's Next Top Model
Anthony Zuiker

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Express Yourself

The girls head into hair, makeup and wardrobe. Sequined pants happen. Angelea is on set, wearing a big fur vest. Her story is that she's a socialite from the 716 who was initially humble, but then moved down to New York and became a real rich bitch. In other words: the Joe Reid story. Angelea really does well, and Lisa Gavales is impressed. Kayla is next, as the cool chick. She's got a big Russian fur hat, and Jay tells her to go for it. Kayla's health concerns her a bit, and she's trying to remain calm so she doesn't have another episode. She looks kind of confused, if gorgeous. Allison is up next as the girlfriend. Lisa notes that when she doesn't look at the camera, she's great. For some reason, Allison reads a little cross-eyed in her photos. She's wearing some sort of furry creature around her neck, which probably reminds her of her hat friend and makes her feel happy and relaxed..

Next we have Bre, who is the flirt. She's wearing a gold sequined dress, and Jay tells her that when she laughs the picture really comes alive. Dominique is the cool chick, and seems to do well despite her unfortunate red fur jacket. Express is truly the number one choice for the sophisticated streetwalker. Then there's Bianca, who says that she wants to push the limit of flirt. She's wearing a tight, striped dress in bright colors. Though her smile is wide, she seems to have trouble finding her light or a good rhythm. Jay tells her that she's too posed, and Express Lisa advises her to feel as sexy as she looks. Bianca tells us that she loves her outfit and styling, but didn't consider her word going into the shoot. This, she tells us, is because in the real world of modeling you don't get a keyword. When Jay pulls her aside and asks what's going on, she says that in the real world of modeling, you don't go jumping up and down. She knows this because she's done similar shoots. Bianca says, "Of all the girls here, I'm the model." I mean, she's not wrong, is she? Jay tells us that being 5'11" and having a flawless body doesn't make you a model. No, but actual modeling jobs do, and if I'm not mistaken Bianca has had those. Team Bianca forever! Jay tells us that, despite what she thinks, Bianca missed the model boat and he hasn't seen model this whole competition. With those cutting words from the man who likely invented "ghost brides," we head to commercials.

When we return, it's Shannon's time on set. She's very excited to shoot for Express, and is remembering Express Lisa's sophisticated and sexy mantra. She is the girlfriend, wearing a suit jacket with shorts and a leopard skin bag. Sophisticated, indeed! Jay seems to like what Shannon is doing, but when he asks Lisa if this is the type of girl she'd book, she says, "Not based on this yet. She skews a little commercial." Did I miss the strip mall convention where it was decided that Express was high fashion? Also, I think what she means is that Shannon is looking kind of long in the tooth. Laura is next as the flirt. She brings some of her hot dog lustability to the shoot, and Jay and Lisa both seem to like it. Next, Alexandria is up as the socialite. Now, to be fair, they have dressed this bitch in a tomato red suit with a crazy half-updo. She looks like Joan Crawford, at whatever her current age would be. Jay tells Alexandria that she's looking a bit more madam than socialite. You know that I'm no defender of Alexandria, but what's she supposed to do with that wardrobe and styling? Who wears that suit?

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America's Next Top Model

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