America's Next Top Model
Anthony Zuiker

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Express Yourself

When we return, it's panel time. I somehow managed to pause right on a shot of Tyra's veiny feet. She's wearing shoes that have a curvy gray swipe running to the point, and it makes her look like she has one giant toe-claw. That's, like, a footwear representation of her soul. She's also back to the jumpsuits, it pains me to tell you. There are prizes, there are judges. ALT is not wearing his barbershop quartet straw hat today, and looks much less wizard-ish in general. Maybe he's taking Nigel's advice about how to turn it on and off to heart. Anthony Zuiker of CSI fame is the guest judge.

Laura is up first for evaluation, wearing a very fancy Wanda Sue creation. Maybe Express will actually hire Wanda Sue as a designer! I mean, she couldn't do a worse job than whoever they have currently. Laura looks so pretty in her photo. ALT tells her that she outshines the men in the background. He thinks that she looks like a high-class but wonderful star, while Tyra adds that Laura possesses a sweetness mixed with sexuality. Kayla is next, and Anthony thinks that her fur-hat shot is very provocative. Nigel says that her icy look is genius in the picture, because it makes her look like the tough cool chick that she's supposed to be portraying. It's a good picture, though I think she might have lucked into it.

Dominique is next, and her photo of the cool chick streetwalker is pretty good, minus the absolute hideousness of the clothes. ALT says that it's selling the Express hot color colorblock fashion dynamique. That's a quote. He should be writing for CSI. Nigel says that she's just the right amount of sexy, and Tyra agrees that Dominique rocked the photo shoot. Bre is next. Her flirty photo is very cute, but Nigel says that it's almost too commercial for him, and isn't really a fashion campaign. Tyra congratulates Bre on her challenge win, and tells her that it could be a door-opening kind of thing.

Next is Alexandria's Joan Crawford madam socialite shot. It's, you know, bad. Anthony tells her that her body looks like it wants to be confident (or like she has gas!) but her expression doesn't (because she has a lazy eye!). However, ALT thinks that there's a story just in Alexandria's hand, which looks like it's ordering her rent boys up the stairs. Tyra tells Alexandria that she needs to remember her customer. So, there are 80-year old socialites, and 18-year old socialites. Express's customers are the latter, and Alexandria kind of looks like she might get upset about wire hangers and/or need wheelchair assistance and/or leave all of her money to her pet monkey. Again, I'd say at least 45 percent of this is not her fault.

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America's Next Top Model




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