America's Next Top Model
Barney Cheng

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Smooth as Silkworms
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: The US took another hit as Seymone and her whining ways got the boot. Now, there are twice as many models from the UK remaining, with the US team being down to the non-dynamic duo of Laura and Eboni. And, bonus! They hate each other! I am proud of my countrywomen for showing the true American commitment to good bitchery.

It is a lovely day in L.A. as the models return home to see Alisha's best-of-week Hello Kitty dominatrix photo displayed as digital art. Alisha reminds us that she's been up and down throughout the competition, so is savoring this moment of being on top (na na na na na na -- anyone else miss the old theme song?). Eboni, meanwhile, narrowly escaped elimination, and tells us that her plan going forward is to remain youthful. This, of course, means that she'll wear ponytails all the time even though she looks so much better with all of her ratty weave pulled back in a bun.

Laura tells us that, in her opinion, Seymone was a stronger model and deserved to stay. Eboni has skated through by the skin of her 30-Never molars, but, Laura tells us, there are no more chances. It turns out that Eboni is more perceptive than we had anticipated, and suspects that Laura doesn't like her. This is based on evidence including some hard-core glowering. Alisha decides to be the great clarifier on this matter, and asks Laura (in front of Eboni) whether she likes Eboni or not. Laura responds with a dry, "Not particularly," and says that Eboni can be sickeningly vain. Apparently, she preens at her own reflection a lot, and also tends to talk down to people. Annaliese co-signs on the assessment of Eboni's vanity. Maybe she's just trying to get her ponytails right? I can't hate on anyone who constantly looks in a mirror, because I've almost walked into telephone poles while trying to check out my hair in a car window.

Nigel shows up at the house with bags and bags of Chinese food. I kind of miss having a girl around with severe body issues to freak out at this development. Everyone sits around the table and eats, and Nigel tells the models that the most important thing for him is having at least a little bit of life in the eyes. Annaliese, meanwhile, has some sort of crazy reflective eyeliner right in the middle of her lids, which makes her look like a googly-eyed demon every time she blinks. Is that enough life in the eyes for you? But enough about modeling. There are gargantuan fortune cookies that the girls must open in front of Nigel. Catherine's says, "Beauty is ageless but not timeless." Sophie's fortune is, "Keep your friends close and the envious closer." A totally non-envious Alisha tells us that no one would ever be envious of Sophie. Who's envious? Not Alisha. Even though Sophie gets all the good feedback. But why would totally not-envious Alisha ever be envious of that? Envy? Ha.

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America's Next Top Model

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