America's Next Top Model
Barney Cheng

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Smooth as Silkworms

The ladies end up at the MGM Hotel, where they get a really spectacular greeting from dragons and dancers and some singing guy who is probably big in Macau. Jay Manuel is there to welcome them, along with MGM Macau VP Toby Leung, and Head of Tourism Product Division Isabel Augusto. So, the dignitaries really came out for this one. The models are escorted to their new digs at the MGM, which are typically spectacular. There are giant pictures of Tyra everywhere, just to underscore the fact that Eboni is not, in fact, the vainest person these girls have ever met. Also, reminder: Alisha is poor too, and loves her mom a lot. We don't get too much information about Annaliese's family background, but she does tell us that in London her main focus is presenting, and she's got her own radio show. Can we hire someone to pipe that radio show into Kelly Cutrone's house at random intervals throughout the day? Though her focus has been presenting, Annaliese's strong showing in this competition has made her realize that modeling might be more of a possibility.

The models unpack, and we learn that Sophie is the big slob of the bunch. Alisha notices that one of her dresses is on the floor halfway across the room. Sophie had apparently taken some clothes out of Alisha's suitcase so she could dress up as Alisha. That... really is pretty dumb, though probably not quite the horrible offense that Alisha seems to feel it is. Sophie apologizes, but this doesn't stop Alisha from going on and on and on about it for what seems like hours. Poor Catherine and Annaliese, who have also emerged from a 15-hour flight, have to hear it all. Annaliese tells us that Alisha is good at getting on her high horse, and sometimes thinks she's the leader of the bunch. As Sophie claims not to care, Alisha confessionalizes that she should watch out, because she's about to wash out some bitches. What does that even mean? I'm sure most of them actually could use a bath, if that has anything to do with it.

After a break, there is Tyra Mail: "Your face is your fortune. Can you change your destiny? Fierce and love, Tyra." Though Eboni wonders if they're about to embark on a Cover Girl-related outing, the girls instead wind up at the Chee Hon Monastery. J. Alexander is there, of course, in full finery. Maybe he was fired because the wardrobe budget couldn't accommodate him anymore? He tells the girls that they need all the help they can get with fame and fortune, and introduces Chinese astrologer Clement Chan, who in turn introduces all of the students at the monastery who are studying with him. Clement explains that the Chinese believe everything is bound to five elements: fire, wood, water, earth, and metal. He's going to do a reading for the girls, to talk about which elements they are and what's missing. Alisha is up first, and Clement brings up her horoscope on an iPad. Is that legit? It's part face reading, part horoscope, and part aura. Wait, there's an aura app? I'd pay a dollar for that.

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America's Next Top Model

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