But wait! Things aren't over yet. It's a 90-minute premiere, after all. The girls head to New York City! Land of dreams! In their interview footage they all wear giant hats and head scarves, so you know the makeovers are imminent. The girls happen upon Johnny Depp standing in Times Square. I guess he's taken time from engaging in a torrid on-set affair with Angelina Jolie to make a cameo! Oh, but wait. It's just a wax figure. Sadly made of flesh and bone is effing Perez Hilton, who approaches the girls to kind of paltry fanfare. He's going to take the girls on his personal tour of Madame Tussauds'. The highlight, of course, is a waxwork of Miss Tyra Banks herself. You can't see it, but there's a plate with a little wax rib in her hand.
And then there's Tyra! The real Tyra, I mean. She appears on a balcony and says something to Perez about keeping her word. We get a clip from The Tyra Banks Show in which Tyra is having a sit-down with Perez and trying to guilt him into meeting the minimal requirements for being a decent human being. You can guess how that goes. He says that he'll stop drawing semen pouring out of the cooches of celebrity toddlers for two months if Tyra gives him a guest spot on Top Model. She ups it to six months, and they have a deal. A prince among men, that one. I think she's staying on that balcony just because she can't stand the smell of him.
Tyra tells Perez and the others that she has somebody very special to introduce to them. It's Ren, 22 from Dallas. Ren calls herself "a free spirit that can't be caged." In her interview segment she's wearing a bowler hat and looks like a cross between Winona Ryder, Pete Doherty, and Tiny Tim (of "God bless us every one" fame, not "tiptoeing through the tulips" fame). Ren is the result of the Top Model crew scouring the country for a thirteenth girl to round out the pack. I wish they'd scoured Ren while they were at it. She's so grimy. Tyra interprets this as "edgy, really cool, and fabulous." Krista is impressed with Ren, who has some serious tats on her arms.
But enough about Ren, it's Tyover time! They really get right to it these days. The girls head outside and get into a giant Hummer limo. Good to see the show kept up its "green" theme after it stopped being trendy. The limo drops the girls at the salon of celebrity stylist Sally Hershberger, herself a reality show veteran. The Jays are there to make sure that everything goes according to plan, which means that they're there to make sure that tears are shed. They'll rub hair color in someone's eyes if they have to.