Tyra wears small lampshades on her shoulders as the girls gather before her. She tells them that they've been looking for 14 girls to join the MyFierce network, but she and the Jays could only agree on 12. Oh, burn. Eight of these bitches aren't even fierce enough to fill a predetermined spot! Naduah is not one of them. She's called first as a finalist. Tyra next calls Jessica, Simone, Raina, Tatianna, Alexandra, Krista, Brenda, Alasia (who falls to her knees and pounds the floor, natch), Anslee, and Gabrielle. There is one name left. And of course it's Angelea! She cain't go back to Buffalo a second time! Angelea cries in gratitude. Meanwhile, some of our other friends get the shaft. Hallie is stoic, but says that it sucks to make it so far and then get booted. She wishes that they had chosen thirteen girls, because she knows she would have been number thirteen. But they didn't, and you weren't. Go be condescending to poor people at home. Carol Kane says that life is full of disappointments. It happens all the time, and you have to move on and not dwell. Whimsy! I love it. Jeanna is also gone back to her herd of drag queens, where she truly belongs. The others are strangers, and we don't so much as get a pan across their faces.
But who cares about losers! There are twelve MyFierce friends to obsess over! They're going to head to New York where they'll meet a new mystery girl. Tyra hasn't even met her yet, and says that they're going to do a search to round out this group. There's some surprise among the ranks, but it's forgotten in the overjoyed chanting of "Top Model! Top Model!"
But wait! Things aren't over yet. It's a 90-minute premiere, after all. The girls head to New York City! Land of dreams! In their interview footage they all wear giant hats and head scarves, so you know the makeovers are imminent. The girls happen upon Johnny Depp standing in Times Square. I guess he's taken time from engaging in a torrid on-set affair with Angelina Jolie to make a cameo! Oh, but wait. It's just a wax figure. Sadly made of flesh and bone is effing Perez Hilton, who approaches the girls to kind of paltry fanfare. He's going to take the girls on his personal tour of Madame Tussauds'. The highlight, of course, is a waxwork of Miss Tyra Banks herself. You can't see it, but there's a plate with a little wax rib in her hand.
And then there's Tyra! The real Tyra, I mean. She appears on a balcony and says something to Perez about keeping her word. We get a clip from The Tyra Banks Show in which Tyra is having a sit-down with Perez and trying to guilt him into meeting the minimal requirements for being a decent human being. You can guess how that goes. He says that he'll stop drawing semen pouring out of the cooches of celebrity toddlers for two months if Tyra gives him a guest spot on Top Model. She ups it to six months, and they have a deal. A prince among men, that one. I think she's staying on that balcony just because she can't stand the smell of him.