America's Next Top Model

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Sexy Blanket

Tyra wants to make Gabrielle more angelic and very blonde, to look like a wood nymph. Or Venus Xtravaganza. Femme realness, personified. Gabrielle feels amazing and edgier. Then there's Krista, who has razor-sharp cheekbones. Tyra wants to slick her hair back into a removable ponytail. Krista gives a little of the stinkeye, then tells Mr. Jay that this style is something that she does when she doesn't feel like doing her hair. She HATES it. Repeat: she HATES it. But she doesn't want that to affect her in the competition, so she stifles. Well played. Alexandra has a fiercely real body, and is getting fiercely real hair to go with it. Soft highlights are real, apparently. Alexandra feels more refined and sophisticated. Oh, and there's sorority Simone. Tyra shaves the sides of her head and gives her kind of a flat Mohawk-ish thing on top. Simone takes it surprisingly well, saying that her old look was safe and boring, but now she can be more adventurous and edgy. From one angle the hair looks kind of great, and from another it's a disaster. Either way, it's going to be a bitch to grow out.

Brenda tells us that her fiancé loves long, gorgeous hair. Which she had. Past tense. Brenda is going to trust that Tyra knows what she's doing, which is always a dangerous thing. Tyra tells us that Brenda's current hair is too sexy, so she's going to get a Halle Berry do. Brenda is our first cryer. She says her whole world has been shaken. Angelea smirks as she gazes upon a tearful Brenda, and wonders if she's strong enough to handle the competition. She really should just be glad that she still has hair on the sides of her head. Commercials.

And hey! My Life as a Cover Girl seems to have been replaced with something called Top Model Lounge! It features Stank Bianca II and last season's Laura! Yay! They're going to dish about what just happened. Bianca says it's easy to chastise someone else for crying when you're getting a weave sewn into your head. Laura adds, "Your hair's your sexy blanket." !!!!! I think my hair is more of a sexy afghan. These two sympathize with Brenda. We can see more from Bianca and Laura at cwtv.com/covergirl. Sexy blanket!

When we return, Brenda tells us that she thought her hair was her best asset, so to have it taken away was very painful. She has to learn how to do her hair all over again. The hair looks a bit like vintage early-'80s Annie Lennox, which could be a good thing if Brenda isn't a limp noodle the whole time. Naduah is, of course, already bald. So she's going to have her brows bleached by expert brow lady Anastasia. Naduah looks more like a former cult member than ever! She gives us more cult info: from birth you're told how to "think as a person." Thinking as a person doesn't sound like such a bad thing. Unless it's a molesty person, in which case: bad. Being on this show is a dream come true for Naduah. When she's super excited she gets really weird, but I still love her. I hope she has a therapist.

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America's Next Top Model

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