America's Next Top Model

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Sexy Blanket

Tyra says she's going to leave it up to the Jays to filter through her friend requests, and there's much sadness in the room when her chat screen closes. Alasia says, "If Tyra walks in this room I'm going to pass out." And then Tyra totally DOES walk into the room, and Alasia does not so much pass out as fall to the floor at the hands of a pushy and overly excited mob. Someone's always getting trampled at Top Model events. I guess that's one way to thin the herd. Everyone goes crazy, and after pounding the floor for a moment Alasia gets up unscathed. Drat. Tyra tells the girls that she has so many friends in her network, so can't accommodate all their requests. She calls out the Jays, and there is more excitement. Alasia freaks out once again, in the manner of someone who's gone to church too much. She's so excited that she knocks her wig askance, like she's freaking Whitney. Tyra asks Alasia to take off her wig so they can see what she's got underneath, and in fact she has gorgeous long hair that is much, much nicer. The only explanation is that Alasia is in the witness protection program. Or that she's completely deluded and crazy. Which, you know.

Tyra tells the girls that they'll be building their own profile pages with the help of Mr. Jay, while Ms. Jay will be looking to see who has the best social net-walk. I mean, I understand holding to a theme but that actually makes no sense. I don't know why I still feel the need to point out nonsensical things on this show after the era of the smize. Ms. Jay puts on Alasia's stank wig, which is actually pretty funny. He looks remarkably like Krista, who we meet next. She's 24 from Pine Bluff, Arkansas, and has tried out for the show about five times. The sixth time is either the charm or the moment when people really become worried that you're just not getting it, I guess. Jay works with each of the girls to take a series of three profile shots. Who walks into the photo session but Angelea. You might remember Angelea from such bon mots as, "I cain't go back to Buffalo, I cain't," and, "Bitch, you got ugly ass corns!" at last year's semi-finals. Angelea is 23 and from the aforementioned Buffalo. She clearly failed the psych test last season and has had some counseling or anger management or whatever. We went through this before with Tiffany, and it led to probably the greatest moment ever on this show. We can only hope the same holds true for Ange.

We then briefly meet Brittany, 20, from College Park, Maryland. She apparently won an online competition on Tyra.com to gain her place in the semi-finals. We see Naduah again, who tells us that she's been modeling in Cancun for about five years. A quick look at her MyFierce page shows that Naduah is 5'7", and really should have made an effort to get on last fall's shortie Cycle. Danielle, 19, from Greenville, South Carolina has a whole bunch of piercings and tattoos. She gives some lip service about proving to girls that you don't have to look cookie cutter to be beautiful. I will tell you right now that the piercings are the least of Danielle's problems.

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America's Next Top Model

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