America's Next Top Model

Episode Report Card
Potes: A- | 1 USERS: A+
Sexy Blanket

Back in the holding room, Jeanna talks about how she likes to shop at the drag queen store. No kidding. Poor stupid Jessica has no idea what a drag queen is. This goes to show that if you don't teach your child about drag queens she will get pregnant the first time she has sex! Exposure, people! Jeanna goes in front of the judges. She's 21 from Chicago and plus-sized. Jeanna also loves fashion, glamour and sparkly things, in case you hadn't realized. She has made up her own planet, called Glamazonia, in the Glamazonian galaxy. It's filled with very tall and beautiful women, and once a year they get a collective fuck buddy sacrifice for the propagation of the species. And then, it happens. Tyra decides that Mr. Jay is the procreating male sacrifice, and makes him lay down on the floor. She then gets on top of him, in a way where their parts are not only not aligned but not even facing each other. Ms. J. wants to die even more than he did about the penisloaf.

Back in the holding room, Alasia tells Naduah how gorgeous she is, and then says, "If I was a lesbian I would be in love with you." If it wears a leather vest like a lesbian... Angelea pegs Naduah as her biggest competition. Someone asks Naduah about her accent. Her father is European and her mother is Spanish and European. They traveled a lot. By "traveled," Naduah means "were members of a kidfucker cult." Naduah was born and raised into this religious cult, which was really sex-heavy. Most of the children in the cult were sexually molested. Naduah goes on to say that there were times when she didn't even see her parents, because she grew up in a house with about 100 other children. We've finally found something to trump retinitis pigmentosa!

Naduah goes in front of the panel and gets really excited. Naduah is 22 and was born and raised in Cancun (home of spring break shenanigans and kidfucker cults) but now lives in San Diego. She has drawn a portrait of Tyra, which Tyra says she's going to frame. Weird. Naduah tells the panel more about her cult family. She says the cult was like a military, and sometimes the children had to do very aggressive chores like cleaning the floor with a toothbrush. Also, fuckery. And sometimes the kids had their arms tied to a stick behind their back to encourage good posture. I actually kind of wish someone had done that to me to fend off my adult slouchiness. Eventually, Naduah realized that there were non-cult options and decided to make a name for herself. Tyra and the Jays note that she's had a hard life, and maybe needs a good breakdown. I'm sure they'll drive her to it one way or another.

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America's Next Top Model




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