America's Next Top Model
Beverly Johnson

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Potes: B | Grade It Now!
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Blame Canada

Last week: Candace continued her pattern of sucking, American-style, got her the boot! Five U.S. bitches and five U.K. bitches remain! That's ten total!

The girls return home after elimination to find Azmarie's best of week photo displayed as digital art in the house. Because Azmarie has had this honor two weeks in a row, she now is famous enough to wear sunglasses for her confessionals. Sophie acknowledges that Azmarie has got some talent, but vows to up her own game and take on Miss(ter) Androgenia. Eboni reminds us of all the drama of last week, during which Kyle threatened to go home like five times, and then didn't. Kyle knows that her decision to stay in the competition will piss off the other girls, but she says that she doesn't really care. Laura is one of those girls, because she can't stand seeing stupid girls crying over insignificant things. One of Laura's best friends died in a motorcycle accident before she came on the show, and she tells us that it's a blessing just to be there. If you are a person who is not down with trifling shit, you could probably find more appropriate things to do with your life than live in the Top Model house.

Soon enough, there is a video message (and product placement!) on the house's Virgin Mobile phone. It's very easy to hook up said phone to a TV, apparently, which has the added bonus of defying all the reasons you wanted a mobile phone in the first place. The message is from Jay Manuel, who is in Toronto, Canada getting ready to present his second collection for something called Attitude Jay Manuel. And, ha! It's a collection for Sears Canada! Jay Manuel is like the Kardashian sisters of the north! He announces that the girls are all "invited" to Toronto Fashion Week, and will get to go on castings with several designers to see how they'll do in the real world of modeling. This is their opportunity to book a job, and walk the runway. The Brits are quite excited, and Alisha reminds us that the American girls can't walk for shit. She tells us that the fire is burning, and some bitches are about to get cooked. With that, we head to credits.

When we return, the girls are in Canada! They meet Jay Manuel at the top of the CN Tower at 8:23 a.m., at an elevation of 1,465 feet. How great would it be if the whole thing just toppled right now? I mean, probably not so great for the city of Toronto, but still. Jay tells the girls that the CN Tower is the tallest free-standing structure in the western hemisphere. That's one way to deal with your national emasculation, I guess. Jay assures everyone that they're not going to be doing a photo shoot dangling from the building. This show can't just throw us a bone, even? Of course the ladies will be going on castings, and the girl who books the most shows and does the best during fashion week will get pieces from Jay's clothing collection. And you can't just find THAT at stores state-side. The winner will also get to make a return trip to Canada for a very special event. Sophie tells us that she has historically had a very bad walk, so she's going to have to start fakin' like Canadian bacon.

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America's Next Top Model

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