America's Next Top Model
Beverly Johnson

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Blame Canada

When we return, Sophie and Eboni are named challenge co-winners by Jay Manuel, because they tied for booking the most shows, and also did a fine job on the runway. They get some clothes from Attitude Jay Manuel, which is slightly less exciting than winning clothes from the Kardashian Kollection due to the lack of sparkly Hammer pants, as well as an all-expense trip back to Canada for the Calgary Stampede. The Calgary Stampede is the largest rodeo in North America. This is a weird prize, right? Unless Eboni and Sophie get to judge cowboys on their ability to smize while bull riding? I love how in the Top Model context that would make the whole thing less strange.

Jay then transitions to talk of this week's photo shoot. The girls are huddled (in the rain) in the distillery district, which is the historical part of downtown Toronto, and will serve as their backdrop. As the girls get made up, Alisha tells us that if one of the U.K. girls doesn't get best photo this week, they'll all have to immigrate to Canada out of shame. They're busting their bullocks, she says, but no one can touch the mighty Azmarie, who might as well be in a competition by herself. If Top Model ever does an all-clone edition, she might be the one. Jay comes in to introduce photographer Miguel Jacob. He also lets slip the insignificant fact that during this shoot they'll be covered in organic maple syrup. Apparently, they'll also be dressed in outfits made of fake leaves of the kind that you buy at Michaels or its Canadian equivalent. This trip is really not doing much to bolster Canada's reputation as burgeoning fashion capital of the world.

Sophie is up first and slithers around in her fake-leaf bikini as a dude stands over her with a pitcher of maple syrup. This is less disgusting than posing in a bowl of Greek salad with overheated feta, but just barely. What are they even selling here? Did the Canadian Maple Syrup industry approve this? Alisha is next, and tells us that syrup is going in her hair, her ears, and her bum. I will tell you that I can't abide having even sticky hands, and this whole thing is making me really anxious. It's one of the reasons that I'm not sure if I have kids. Like, what the fuck is wrong with little kids that they're so damn sticky all the time? It kills me when people share photos of their kids with shit all over their faces, too. If I do have children, I'm sure they're going to read this one day and finally be able to share with their therapists the exact root cause of their obsessive compulsive disorder.

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America's Next Top Model

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