America's Next Top Model

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Hair Apparent

A glam squad comes to work on the girls as Pat goes around. She asks Krista if she sees something brilliant and wonderful about herself that can bring through her essence. Krista says that she loves bling -- the bigger and bolder, the better. Pat says she's expecting something big and bold from her. Pat next asks Jessica how she feels in an absolutely hideous dress. Jessica replies, "Classy. Elegant. And just, like, royalty!" She is from Arkansas, after all. Pat tells Jessica that this must come through. Raina explains that Pat is trying to get them all to embody their personalities, not only while modeling but in life. Frankly, some of them should consider embodying better personalities. Pat tells poor, defeated Alexandra that she's like a bird just getting ready to take off. Alexandra thinks she's a bird about to get hit by a giant, swinging pendulum. She is utterly devoid of self-confidence right now, and acknowledges that she might need to take some lessons from Pat Cleveland's School of Waxen Affirmations.

Once they've been glamorized, the girls head to Lucky Cheng's downtown drag cabaret dinner theater. Oh, happiest of days! Jessica notices some "bulkier women" sitting around, and is at first a little nervous. She'll get over it fast, I'm sure. A drag queen by the name of "Paulina, the Princess of Power" emerges and welcomes everyone. Angelea interviews that people say she acts like a drag queen, so she's fitting right in. Paulina introduces everyone to Tyra Banks, drag version. And really, that queen should be doing Serena Williams, full stop. She's a doppelganger. She looks nothing like the actual Tyra, sadly. Drag Tyra has a bunch of photos in her hands, and Krista wonders if someone's going to get cut right now. She vows to tear some bitches down if it's her. I would actually like to see a "Krista versus Drag Queen" death match. It's hard to say who would prevail. Drag Tyra is really just there to perform with some friends, though. I will tell you that she is no Tyra Sanchez. Anslee tells us that you just can't compete with a drag queen, which is pretty much always true. Miss J. then comes out wearing a sparkly tux and lots of eyeliner. He announces that our models are in fact the stars of this evening's challenge. It's a runway challenge with personality, which relates to what Pat taught them earlier. Alexandra is nervous because -- sepia toned flashback! -- she was knocked off the runway by a giant, swinging pendulum. As she hopes she can make it through without being tackled by a flying drag queen, we head to commercials.

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America's Next Top Model

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